Romantic crazy

[Taysby]

One of my friends (who's a lesbian, so this is all in jest) I haven't seen at school for a couple of weeks.  So I want to text her a creepy crazy ye olde lover message asking where she is, but I can't come up with anything good.  Any help would be appreciated.  Here's the garbage I have right now.

My beloved lover, I prithee, tells me where they hast hidden thy beautiful face.  How I long for our glorious reunion.  Hast thou been captured by thine enemy?  Please, I prithee, tell me where they hid the.  There's no mountain high enough, no obstacle big enough to separate me from you.

I know it's garbage .  I want something really funny.

[Destore117]

Steal some Shakespeare. That guy knew what was what with the womens. Possibly send a picture of yourself with a gentleman's twiddly mustache and frill collar.