I lost my girlfriend. NSFW

[DylanW18]

So this post is kinda weird. I guess I need to vent my thoughts and feelings


Me and Savannah dated for a year and a half. Things were hard, as both of us suffered from deep depression. Hers came out in self harm. Mine came out in purposefully doing things I shouldn't in order to have reasons I hate myself. Mainly cheating, a lot

She found out tonight, and promptly left. At first I was in shock and hurt because I was scared of losing her, but now, I'm not sure how I feel. I can't tell if I legitimately feel bad, or just because I got caught. I've had that issue all my life

I'd like to think I truly loved her... But now I'm questioning what love even feels like, or what I truly want in life. I do know that I want her to find someone who doesn't hurt her though. But that feeling could be from a platonic place, and not of love.


I guess I just don't feel anything. I never really have, and I'm not sure if that bothers me

I just put on masks everywhere, all the time.

Who am I?

[Sparkle Ninja]

You asked who you were. You are only human. Just like the rest of us. We all have our flaws and things that make us who we are. Try and find those things. And also you should probably see a doctor

[MtgCollector1337]

So this post is kinda weird. I guess I need to vent my thoughts and feelings


Me and Savannah dated for a year and a half. Things were hard, as both of us suffered from deep depression. Hers came out in self harm. Mine came out in purposefully doing things I shouldn't in order to have reasons I hate myself. Mainly cheating, a lot

She found out tonight, and promptly left. At first I was in shock and hurt because I was scared of losing her, but now, I'm not sure how I feel. I can't tell if I legitimately feel bad, or just because I got caught. I've had that issue all my life

I'd like to think I truly loved her... But now I'm questioning what love even feels like, or what I truly want in life. I do know that I want her to find someone who doesn't hurt her though. But that feeling could be from a platonic place, and not of love.


I guess I just don't feel anything. I never really have, and I'm not sure if that bothers me

I just put on masks everywhere, all the time.

Who am I?

I know how you feel.
I lost a girl I dated for 2 years. We went through a lot togethor. She would hurt herself and I would calm her down. That didn't ever help. She ended up commuting suicide because her life was "bad," even though I helped her.
That set me off the hook. I was screaming and raging and asking myself why I didn't stop her. I couldn't stop her. It was in the girls bathroom with a rope.
I started cutting, and my parents found out. I didn't tell them why, but they helped me through it by taking me to a psychiatrist.
You should go to a psychiatrist too.

[DylanW18]

I know I should overcome my depression.. I've been trying for so long, since I was about 12. It's just so hard to fix it. Everything in me is so knotted and tangled that it's a bomb trap to try.

I just wish I didn't hurt her so much. I know I'm only 19 and maybe it wasn't true love or anything, but one thing I do know is that she never deserved any of what I did. She was the sweetest girl in the world, even if she was depressed

I just don't see a way I could be loved. And I'm not saying that from my depression, but from a logical standpoint. I have lots of NSFW needs, and it's hard to explain over forums, but the jist is that there couldn't be anyone else who could accept me. And even if they did I would probably just cheat on them too because I have no respect for my partners. I try to but I think I'm just hardwired wrong

[FustyDavorite]

Dude it's not like you're "hardwired" wrong. It's called be human. I suffer from debilitating depression and anxiety issues on a daily basis as well. I have my own issues with their own levels of severity. Now this may sounds blunt, and correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds as if you have an addiction to a certain something that is above Pg-9 level that I'm not sure I can mention but I think you get the point. I have similar issues, and let me tell you that it is the root of your depression. My depression is founded in my struggles with lust. And so first you must recognize that that is unhealthy and that is affecting you psychologically. Then find someone you can trust. Lots of people here are saying a doctor and that's all fine and great but to me it's a group of solid friends I can trust. Find those people or that person, they'll help you through this breakup and out of your rut. It's all apart of being human and having struggles, man. I say this from my heart and I hope for your well being.

[MtgCollector1337]

I know I should overcome my depression.. I've been trying for so long, since I was about 12. It's just so hard to fix it. Everything in me is so knotted and tangled that it's a bomb trap to try.

I just wish I didn't hurt her so much. I know I'm only 19 and maybe it wasn't true love or anything, but one thing I do know is that she never deserved any of what I did. She was the sweetest girl in the world, even if she was depressed

I just don't see a way I could be loved. And I'm not saying that from my depression, but from a logical standpoint. I have lots of NSFW needs, and it's hard to explain over forums, but the jist is that there couldn't be anyone else who could accept me. And even if they did I would probably just cheat on them too because I have no respect for my partners. I try to but I think I'm just hardwired wrong

You need to get help. A psychiatrist will help you, and you need to find someone you trust and someone that trusts you.

[Silent1236]

This is totally my opinion, but I don't believe you're "hard wired" wrong, I think you're just a 19 year old guy. Basically every guy between the ages of 12 to mid-twenties wants sex. Like, all the time. Even if they don't admit it . I've always been a big fan of diversion for things like that. Every time you think you wanna go do the deed, switch topics. Think of something else, go do something else. This is one of those things that is easier said than done, but it can be done! 

As for the depression, that's a sticky situation. The only advice I've got is to just look forward. No sense dawdling in the past. That can't be changed. All you can do now is learn and grow. In the words of Suicide Silence (lolwut?) ".love. your past. The future is in your hands."  Everyone has their own way of coping. My advice there is to just make sure to keep things positive. Coping negatively helps nothing.

You'll find out who you are!  You're a young lad!  You've much growing to do!  Take every hit as a new experience. Also, learn to give advice better than me!

[MtgCollector1337]

This is totally my opinion, but I don't believe you're "hard wired" wrong, I think you're just a 19 year old guy. Basically every guy between the ages of 12 to mid-twenties wants sex. Like, all the time. Even if they don't admit it . I've always been a big fan of diversion for things like that. Every time you think you wanna go do the deed, switch topics. Think of something else, go do something else. This is one of those things that is easier said than done, but it can be done! 

As for the depression, that's a sticky situation. The only advice I've got is to just look forward. No sense dawdling in the past. That can't be changed. All you can do now is learn and grow. In the words of Suicide Silence (lolwut?) ".love. your past. The future is in your hands."  Everyone has their own way of coping. My advice there is to just make sure to keep things positive. Coping negatively helps nothing.

You'll find out who you are!  You're a young lad!  You've much growing to do!  Take every hit as a new experience. Also, learn to give advice better than me!

2 things.
1.I love Suicide Silence.
2.You are my new role model.

[Cipher89]

U cud smoke some weed it's an anti depressent and anti anxiety

[ibtrickey]

My opinion on cheating is that if you cheat you did not love someone. I have had it done so much to me. I did it too technically but I know why. And I know how depression feels.

[Piotr]

U cud smoke some weed it's an anti depressent and anti anxiety

Be careful with that. Weed is a powerful tool and if you are struggling with yourself the way you described, you should not use it. In big percentage of people it exaggerates your feelings, if you are down you can go even deeper. It can help you put things into different perspective and make new connections in your brain, ultimately solving your problem, but tread carefully.

[Sparkle Ninja]

U cud smoke some weed it's an anti depressent and anti anxiety

Be careful with that. Weed is a powerful tool and if you are struggling with yourself the way you described, you should not use it. In big percentage of people it exaggerates your feelings, if you are down you can go even deeper. It can help you put things into different perspective and make new connections in your brain, ultimately solving your problem, but tread carefully.

I think it was a joke... Oh well, thank you for the lecture though

[Cipher89]

No I was not joking in combination with some anti depressents it has a greater chance to help I use it and I'm also on anti depressents I also go to counsling as we'll and both my psychiatrist and counselor have said if it helps don't stop. I find that it helps instantly with ne sort of frustration agitatation depression anxiety think wut u want but I find it to extreamly helpful

[Sparkle Ninja]

Don't you need to ask permission for that in most areas?

[MuggyWuggy]

Most anti depressants end up doing more damage than mmj