Question

[Kaworu, the Fifth Child]

Ok here's the situation:
My family is in coastal Maine, right next to the ocean. It's 1 AM and less than 10 degrees out
My dad is going swimming. In the ocean. Probably below 0 in the ocean. I can't stop him. (How many beers did he drink?!?!? Lol)
Question time:
What should I do in the funeral?

[Agrus Kos, Enforcer of Truth]

Bring a heater, the body will probably still be frozen.

Edit: but seriously, have a towel ready for him.

[Kaworu, the Fifth Child]

Bring a heater, the body will probably still be frozen.

Edit: but seriously, have a towel ready for him.

Well, he already said he wanted to be cremated... He brought a towel, it's a mile away.

[Agrus Kos, Enforcer of Truth]

Well, he already said he wanted to be cremated...

LOL!

[rarehuntertay]

Throw in an appropriately themed magic card in the casket? Like  {Dark Depths} or  {Lake of the Dead}?
But in all seriousness, I hope he doesn't swim... Anyways, the water won't be anywhere below freezing... Just extremely numbing... I hope he has more sense than that

[Kaworu, the Fifth Child]

Start bursting out in maniacal evil laughter randomly during the moment of silence.  Also rig up the casket so it shakes and look like he's slowly trying to get out.

If this was serious, then I completely apologize, but I assume that he's just doing a polar bear plunge.

Lol, that's great. But yes, this is very serious it's a real swim.

[Kaworu, the Fifth Child]

Throw in an appropriately themed magic card in the casket? Like  {Dark Depths} or  {Lake of the Dead}?
But in all seriousness, I hope he doesn't swim... Anyways, the water won't be anywhere below freezing... Just extremely numbing... I hope he has more sense than that

I hope so too.

[Kaworu, the Fifth Child]

So he got back alive, but literally almost frozen, and he couldn't move most of his body, because he fell in a snow bank. He's alive but barely.

[Kaworu, the Fifth Child]

Get him next to a fire ASAP.  And by serious, I mean asking for serious help and not in the mood for jokes.

Also, make sure to run out of the room while doing your evil laugh.

We did, he's slowly thawing

[Galabranth]

I guess it's a little to late but don't quickly unthaw him. I learned in this sports talk that quickly unthawing a person has bad after effects.

[Thetrufflehunter]

I guess it's a little to late but don't quickly unthaw him. I learned in this sports talk that quickly unthawing a person has bad after effects.

It sends them into shock. Bundle him up in warm clothes, medium distance from the fire, and slowly bring him closer. Have him slowly drink warm liquids, but make sure they're not too hot.

[Ertai]

Take pictures. Post here. Laugh.

[Thetrufflehunter]

Take pictures. Post here. Laugh.

You terrible person you

[Steerpike]

Did he actually drink a lot beforehand or did he feel a sober manly urge to tackle nature's extremes?

Your dad could be pretty gar.

[Kaworu, the Fifth Child]

Did he actually drink a lot beforehand or did he feel a sober manly urge to tackle nature's extremes?

Your dad could be pretty gar.

He drunk a lot, but the drinking happened multiple hours before.