I Don't Know What To Do

[FlickerYourOwnIdentity]

My life has completely come crashing down around me, and everything I once knew seems to be wrong.  My parents have begun to fight excessively more often, and often threaten divorce.  And by their behavior towards me, I feel like I'm in the way. Everything I thought I was good at went to .poo. as I realized I can't be any good at it if I am doing so poorly, at least that's how I've been told.  All those childhood insults are piling on top of each other, and my future looks bleak.

Nobody is listening to me here dismissing me as a beg for attention, but I don't know what to do.  I can only think of telling someone hoping they'll help me.  Please help me...

[NyghtHawk]

Life always gets better. You won't be a kid forever and you'll have your own life to live. Life seems crappier when you let it get to you. You take what you get and make the best of it.

It gets better if you let it.

[FlickerYourOwnIdentity]

Life always gets better. You won't be a kid forever and you'll have your own life to live. Life seems crappier when you let it get to you. You take what you get and make the best of it.

It gets better if you let it.

Thank you, and I've tried this as a philosophey over the years however it hasn't been working so well over the past few months.

[5/9 Turtle]

Now might be a good time for a quote by some Greek philosopher "it is during our darkest moments that we must focus and see the light."
Now I know this may or may not be along the same lines or severity but sometimes thoughts will just hit me like this "where am I going in life, that's right I'm going nowhere," or " I'm just gonna grow up and not know what to do with my life." Take one of those things you're supposedly not "good" at and think of how you got "good at it, if it took you a while then people are saying you're not good at it, don't listen to them no matter what because they clearly don't know what they're talking about regardless of their experience, because they don't know what you did you get there, they just know you're supposed "not goodness" compared to themselves, one day they'll meet someone who'll say the same thing to them as they did to you. Ill end there, but if you want to talk you can always PM me and I'll get back to ASAP.

[MuggyWuggy]

Whatever you do, don't do heroin.

[FlickerYourOwnIdentity]

Before any of us could weigh in on your life, remember, we are not there so what any of us may say, understand we don't know what is going on directly.

That being said, how old are you when you say your parents are coming down on you and you feel in the middle? This will help us tailor our advice to your situation a bit better... At least I think it might

Family of 5, brother is on last year of colledge and sister is on first year.  I am 14 and currently experiencing my first year of high school.

I didn't specify my situation, and I'm sorry for that.  I am trying to make ends meet as I balance band, chorus, all my academics, and anything else my parents want to throw in on the side.  They always have been very religious, and even though I have recently resented that religion, I am forced to go.  I know it sounds mundane but when you are forced to not only read from a book you don't believe, but give insight on it, or get yelled at.  They recently have become more overbearing expecting me to be their perfect child because they feel they could have done better with my brother and sister.  Not my opinion, their words.  In otherwords, As in all classes, any low A is unexcusable.  There is the dog I have to take care of now because my sister can't support it anymore so I have too.  Anything outside their plan for a perfect child is cut away.  They hate that I play magic, and despise me anytime I'm playing a video game.  I still am fighting to keep those two things because I don't rely on them to buy that stuff, I rely on myself.  So when they threaten to burn any magic cards I have, I get protective and sparks fly.  Any friends they think are weird are isolated from me.  Anytime I want to be left alone, is the perfect time to yell at me.

Then they keep fighting about stupid things, and hold grudges for weeks on end.  They usually send me away when a fights about to start, but it doesn't help that sound travels easily around the house.  'Divorce is a word thrown around a lot recently, so I worry.  But I feel relieved.  I know that is mean or just evil to wish ill on your parents, but I can't think of a way where I can thank them.  I live in fear of speaking up for myself against them, because I will be threatened.

Brother can be abusive trying to control my life, sister can only help me so much whenshe is home, but usually adds fuel to any fire at our house.

Nyghthawk, to answer something you said, I can't be a kid, I was forced to grow up early.

[FlickerYourOwnIdentity]

I'd talk to a school counselor to have them help you.  Your parents are being childish and are using you as an outlet for their anger.  You should know that they are trying to cope (and failing miserably at it I might add) and that you are a good person.  I don't claim to know everything about your life, so that's why you should see a counselor.  Members of my school faculty that I've never seen before know my name and the good things I've done recently, so Your counselors will know who you are and want to help you.  You just have to tell them that you need help.

I've acually gotten a quick therapist session because a friend was concerned so they all pooled money together and helped me.  I went there, and I sat down and we went though the process.  This was considered a great therapist, but I felt like he did give a damn.  You could tell by they way he carelessly looked around while I was talking, and I knew didn't care.  He was just going through the motions to get a paycheck.  I felt so bad for my friends that I'm trying to pay them back now.

[FlickerYourOwnIdentity]

Whatever you do, don't do heroin.

My sister started, and stopped quickly.  I don't think of putting my body through physical stress while I'm mentally stressed.  I learn from others mistakes quickly.

[FlickerYourOwnIdentity]

Taysby you just gave more insight to my situation then any consoler I have ever visited, thank you.

The worst part is all this stress has led me to fall behind.  I am a current holder of a low D, low C and a high C in my academics.  That puts more stress on me, and the continuous loop digs me deeper.

[Agrus Kos, Enforcer of Truth]

Talking always helps. Depression is caused by overthinking and many times we create problems that aren't there or just blow them up to be bigger than what they are. Voicing these problems and thoughts help to filter out what is real and what is perceived. I am always open to taking PMs, if you ever need to talk; I'll respond as soon as I can. If you want my number so you can contact me more quickly, I can PM you that and we can text. Consider talking to friends, family, counselors, and maybe even a psychiatrist, you may be apprehensive but trust me, I know from experience that it can help. You might consider taking medication, although I can understand if you don't want to. We are here for you, life is worth living, I am always here if you need to talk

[FlickerYourOwnIdentity]

And the councilors here are just so...lazy.  I have filed many things about my friends being bullied and not a single thing has been done.

[FlickerYourOwnIdentity]

Talking always helps. Depression is caused by overthinking and many times we create problems that aren't there or just blow them up to be bigger than what they are. Voicing these problems and thoughts help to filter out what is real and what is perceived. I am always open to taking PMs, if you ever need to talk; I'll respond as soon as I can. If you want my number so you can contact me more quickly, I can PM you that and we can text. Consider talking to friends, family, counselors, and maybe even a psychiatrist, you may be apprehensive but trust me, I know from experience that it can help. You might consider taking medication, although I can understand if you don't want to. We are here for you, life is worth living, I am always here if you need to talk

Thank you, and anyone else who said this to me, it is greatly appreciated to an amazing extent.  Medication is out of the question, I can't afford it, and no one will buy it. 

[FlickerYourOwnIdentity]

Don't just file something.  Demand that you speak to a counselor.  At the least they can point you to someone who will help.  If you need me to, I will talk to my counselor to find out what you need to do.

Although greatly appreciated, that is unessicary.  I will go see one tommarrow, but if they suck I will tell you they sucked.

[Silent1236]

I know this doesn't help a whole lot, but if you are asked to leave the room, leave the house instead. Remove yourself from the vicinity for the duration of the arguments. Ever since I was a wee lad, listening to music and aimlessly walking around town has been a huge stress reliever for me. It gives you a chance to blow off steam and not have to listen to another fight. Not a fix, but maybe like a bandaid or something . Just keep your head up!  I've heard people talk about life being the same after high school, an those people are dead wrong. Basically the whole of my high school career was .poo., but my mood did a 180 after graduating and starting work. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Just gotta trudge through the .poo. for a few years first.

[FlickerYourOwnIdentity]

Thank you all for this, although it doesn't fix the problem, it helped me a little to talk things out.  Seeing as I know this won't be the last time I have this kind of moment, especially right now, I am keeping this up for further use.  To anyone who feels the same way.  I'm sorry to burden you all with my problems, but thank you for all your help.