I need help. NSFW

[DylanW18]

This thread is extremely serious. Please, don't joke around with anything said in this thread, I'm looking for genuine help

I'm currently 18, and working part time at Michaels Arts and Crafts store. I have an income and a loving girlfriend.

I've never been so depressed in my life.

My childhood was really hard on me. It started when I was 8. My older sister began sexually abusing me. This continued until I was 12. At the time, it seemed harmless, even though there were a lot of times she became angry, or aggressive, which scared me.

When I was 13, I watched my brother helplessly as he swallowed a whole pill bottle of narcotics, attempting to off himself. Thankfully my father was there and made him throw them up before he digested too many.

Last Christmas, my brother was drinking a lot, then took his Lunesta to sleep, but the mixture caused him to black out and begin throwing tantrums around the house. He fell down our 13 steps of stairs and hit his head against the tile. Later he was throwing glass cups around the house, smashing them, glass going everywhere. His feet were bloody. Eventually he stormed out of the house, but thankfully I realized he had his keys, and I stopped him from driving. My parents called the cops to detain him for the night.

In my previous relationship with a girl named Avery, she would constantly accuse me of being possessed by a demon. It sounds funny, but she was 100% serious, and being the woman I loved, it hurt so much to here her think that of me. The relationship didn't last much longer.

My current relationship has been hard. Not because of fighting, but because we both have very troubled pasts, and we are trying to help eachother. I love her so much, and I want to marry her.

I just have no motivation in my life. Everything just feels like a dream. I'm seeing a therapist, he thinks I'm suffering from PTSD. I've refused medicine (I don't even take Advil, the only pills I take are multivitamins, due to my brothers abuse of pills, I just stay away from them), but I'm struggling every day to do anything. I didn't sit up out of bed until 2pm today. I've grown into self loathing, and I dislike everything about myself. I blame myself for everything that happened with my sister, and I think to myself how I could have stopped it.

Sometimes I think about traveling across the world. Finding new people, doing new things. Maybe I just want to escape from the life I have.

I don't really know why in writing this. I guess I just want support from people in this community. It's easier to write on a thread then talk in real life.

I've just been at a rock bottom. I don't know where to go or what to do. Thanks for reading.

[Mlerner12]

Michaels looks like an awesome job, bro, and I am really sorry for what your going through. My best advice would probably be to just forget about it! Forget about Yoir past and act like it never happened. What's done is done, don't let it get you down! If your really scarred by it though, id recommend a relationship! Having someone to be with, confide in, play magic with, etc is always good. And really, don't let what's happened to you get you down. When I was (I still am ) a kid, my dad didn't know how to take out his anger, so he just took it out on me. He cusses, yells, forbids me from doing things (even homework, I started getting D's) and it was all him. I hit a real low point where I wouldn't even talk to people, but he's taken some classes and now he's good, and for a few months I still wanted to DIE (seriously), but I just forgot about my past, started anew, and that's changed my life.

[Thetrufflehunter]

I have read. Seeing as I'm 12, I have no help to give, other than keeping you in my thoughts.

[MarduArrow]

Try counting the good things in your life instead of the bad, think of the good stuff as a shield that pushes back all the crap that life throws at you, the fact that you have someone that loves you and a good job to support yourself seems like a pretty formidable shield to me, trust me when I say that even in a perfect balance the good in the world will always outweigh the bad

[The1337Magician]

I don't know what you believe about God, but I know that through my life He has helped me so much. Please continue reading, I poured a lot into this.
I grew up in a Christian home and always believed in God. It wasn't that deep of a relationship then, but I knew of Him. I'm 15 and both of my parents have passed away within the last 3 years. I didn't know how to get through it. I still have grief, it's healthy, but I still have joy. God has helped me through my situation. He's turned my situation into a testimony.
I have not experienced everything you've experienced and have no idea the extent of what you've gone through.
I just want to let you know I'm here for you and God is always there for you.
If you have any questions, IM me. Hoping and praying for you.
-1337

[LadyGrixis]

You have my support, 100%. I'm not really sure what advice to give aside from this: there is a strength and a purpose inside of every person. And although it may be buried or hidden from you, it's both tangible and salvageable.

When I'm feeling less than parr or truly upset, I try to focus on the things that I love and get active about my life instead of wasting what could be precious moments of my life worrying or fuming over the things I cannot change. You can't change the past. And you can't predict the future. So live in the now and relish it as much as you possibly can. Because you only have this body and this life. Live them both to the fullest and try not to dwell on yesterday!

[5/9 Turtle]

My first though when read this is a quote that goes like this " success is getting up one more time than you've fallen down" after each experience you've picked yourself up and continued on you're succeeding, and I've had a situation like this but not as bad as yours, and I thought of the quote and it helped me get through, which makes me think of another quote " it is during our darkest moments that we must look to see the light" ( as you can tell I'm a quote guy)  so if you ever need help you can always pm me and I'll try and help

[Gorzo]

Sorry to hear about your troubles, I hope the best for you and am open to talk if you need someone to chat with or even just vent. My pm box is always open.

I think you're taking steps in the right direction. Seeing a therapist is great, and I'm glad to hear you open to it and the help it can provide you. I do urge you to consider medication if it is recommended to you by your doctors, but I certainly understand your concers with your brother. It's your decision, of course, but it doesn't hurt to talk it over in depth with your therapist about your concerns with meds if you haven't already.

I wish the best for you!

[Imink]

I've gone through alot of the same kinda stuff you have and well I feel for you I'd stick with therapy find a group help you get through this find joy in the good things about your life pick up a new hobby learn a instrument write poetry make pottery smile and laugh but my good thoughts are coming to you man.

[Mike_garzone]

I may not have walked the same road as you, but I was picked on and beaten on for being overweight and quiet until I was about 15 years old, by peers and several teachers as well(shouldn't all gym teachers be brainless meatheads??). My brother is a recovering drug addict, I've held him in my arms overdosed, not sure if he'd survive or not, and had him stumble to my apartment at 6am and beg me to bring him to a local hospital for detox; and those are only 2 of countless unfortunate situations I went through with him.

Life seems to be a continuous acquisition of burdens to bear, but ya know what, it's people like us that are special. People who've been told by everyone around them that they aren't good enough, that they'll never be anything or make it anywhere in life. Because when the world kicked us down, and left us
Alone and afraid, we, ourselves had the courage to stand back up again and persevere.

Life is tough man, but we all have a purpose, and the path we've walked, no matter how painful, is one we walked for a reason, for its what shaped us into who we are today. Find your purpose my friend, find the reason you've faced the challenges you have, and know that you aren't alone in your struggle!

[Agrus Kos, Enforcer of Truth]

Hey man I feel for you. I'll keep you in my thoughts and if you ever need to talk or vent, PM me. If you want to, I'll give you my number so you can reach me whenever. The best thing you can do is to talk. Depression is caused by over thinking and creating problems that aren't there. Voicing your thoughts to another person really helps you straighten out the facts, rationalize your thought processes and get through your problems. I completely understand you not wanting to take pills though, I was going through depression for a little while and I refused pills also. Pills mask the problem instead of letting you work through it. The therapist is a great idea, keep going. I didn't want to go to mine at first but she really helped as a place to vent and talk my problems out.

[Apathy Reactor]

I'm terribly sorry for what you have been going through. The only advice I can give you is to keep hope alive, and count your blessings. Try to focus on the positive, and look ahead to the future. There may be pain I'm the night, but joy comes with the morning. I'll keep you in my prayers.

[IntoFire]

Let's see,this all started because of what happened during your childhood.Am I correct?If so, what you can do is to try and listen to your therapist.People like those try to help you.He may give you medication but as I know,my uncle working in a clinic and all.You can request for the mildest one.The one with the least side effects.Sometimes,relationships can be hard,all you can do is trust in each other.Maybe schedule an appointment together,or try finding something that entertains you both.As I've seen,activities like telling stories or I don't know,drawing helps forget the troubles that you guys are going through.I would suggest you move to a safer place to live when you gather enough courage to move out.Ask your parents to brong your brother to counseling and maybe detain him for a bit.Just until the counseling kicks in.Then maybe things will go back to how they were but different.This is all the advice I can gove you seeing that I'm only fifteen.

[EvACiDe]

I can understand why you were writing this. Whenever we go through tough or traumatic times, subconsciously we try to allieviate the stress and sometimes it's by telling the story or in your case, writing the story. I see why you like to stay away from pills because of your brother but also keep in mind that you said he took narcotics. I'm somewhere in the middle for using medicines and homeopathic treatments, I agree with your assessment of narcotics such as Vicodin or OxyContin as these can be more harmful than helpful but also I do believe there are good medicines out there as well that are "tried and true" as they say. My suggestion for you, if you truly ARE suffering from PTSD is to perhaps try out a few different medications, such as an antidepressant for example. Your psychiatrist should be able to provide these for you because they went to medical school (which is one of the main differences between a psychiatrist and a psychologist).

Remember too, if you do try out any antidepressants and the like, that your body takes a while to get a "constant" level of the medicine into your blood. Therefore you might feel slightly off the first couple weeks that you take them, but that is completely normal! Also, if you end up not liking the medicine they have put you on because of how it makes you feel or whatever reason, just bring it to the attention of your psychiatrist and depending on the type of drug you have been prescribed they can wean you off of it

Stay strong buddy, life can be absolutely brutal sometimes, especially in your late teens and early twenties, (I'm 24) but the true test of our character is how we get through it.

[LordJanova]

You say you love her, so use that love to guide you. I was depressed for almost 7 years. Every time I'm alone I fall into myself and lose track of who I am, but when I'm with somebody I love I focus on them not me. Use your love to push yourself. I try and make my self a better person every single day with every single action I do so that I can make my girlfriend happier each time I see her. I want nothing more than to give her the best life possible and my entire future and everything I do is to make that happen. I use the love I have for her to drive myself to be better because she deserves it. No matter how well I'm doing or how awesome her and my friends and family think I am, I can ALWAYS do something to make myself a better person in some way. So use your love for her to motivate yourself to do better for yourself that way you can do better for her.