My life has completely come crashing down around me, and everything I once knew seems to be wrong. My parents have begun to fight excessively more often, and often threaten divorce. And by their behavior towards me, I feel like I'm in the way. Everything I thought I was good at went to .poo. as I realized I can't be any good at it if I am doing so poorly, at least that's how I've been told. All those childhood insults are piling on top of each other, and my future looks bleak.
Nobody is listening to me here dismissing me as a beg for attention, but I don't know what to do. I can only think of telling someone hoping they'll help me. Please help me...
Life always gets better. You won't be a kid forever and you'll have your own life to live. Life seems crappier when you let it get to you. You take what you get and make the best of it.
It gets better if you let it.
Quote from: NyghtHawk on December 09, 2013, 10:58:05 PM
Life always gets better. You won't be a kid forever and you'll have your own life to live. Life seems crappier when you let it get to you. You take what you get and make the best of it.
It gets better if you let it.
Thank you, and I've tried this as a philosophey over the years however it hasn't been working so well over the past few months.
Now might be a good time for a quote by some Greek philosopher "it is during our darkest moments that we must focus and see the light."
Now I know this may or may not be along the same lines or severity but sometimes thoughts will just hit me like this "where am I going in life, that's right I'm going nowhere," or " I'm just gonna grow up and not know what to do with my life." Take one of those things you're supposedly not "good" at and think of how you got "good at it, if it took you a while then people are saying you're not good at it, don't listen to them no matter what because they clearly don't know what they're talking about regardless of their experience, because they don't know what you did you get there, they just know you're supposed "not goodness" compared to themselves, one day they'll meet someone who'll say the same thing to them as they did to you. Ill end there, but if you want to talk you can always PM me and I'll get back to ASAP.
Whatever you do, don't do heroin.
Quote from: Noblellama on December 09, 2013, 10:58:54 PM
Before any of us could weigh in on your life, remember, we are not there so what any of us may say, understand we don't know what is going on directly.
That being said, how old are you when you say your parents are coming down on you and you feel in the middle? This will help us tailor our advice to your situation a bit better... At least I think it might
Family of 5, brother is on last year of colledge and sister is on first year. I am 14 and currently experiencing my first year of high school.
I didn't specify my situation, and I'm sorry for that. I am trying to make ends meet as I balance band, chorus, all my academics, and anything else my parents want to throw in on the side. They always have been very religious, and even though I have recently resented that religion, I am forced to go. I know it sounds mundane but when you are forced to not only read from a book you don't believe, but give insight on it, or get yelled at. They recently have become more overbearing expecting me to be their perfect child because they feel they could have done better with my brother and sister. Not my opinion, their words. In otherwords, As in all classes, any low A is unexcusable. There is the dog I have to take care of now because my sister can't support it anymore so I have too. Anything outside their plan for a perfect child is cut away. They hate that I play magic, and despise me anytime I'm playing a video game. I still am fighting to keep those two things because I don't rely on them to buy that stuff, I rely on myself. So when they threaten to burn any magic cards I have, I get protective and sparks fly. Any friends they think are weird are isolated from me. Anytime I want to be left alone, is the perfect time to yell at me.
Then they keep fighting about stupid things, and hold grudges for weeks on end. They usually send me away when a fights about to start, but it doesn't help that sound travels easily around the house. 'Divorce is a word thrown around a lot recently, so I worry. But I feel relieved. I know that is mean or just evil to wish ill on your parents, but I can't think of a way where I can thank them. I live in fear of speaking up for myself against them, because I will be threatened.
Brother can be abusive trying to control my life, sister can only help me so much whenshe is home, but usually adds fuel to any fire at our house.
Nyghthawk, to answer something you said, I can't be a kid, I was forced to grow up early.
Quote from: Taysby on December 09, 2013, 11:16:32 PM
I'd talk to a school counselor to have them help you. Your parents are being childish and are using you as an outlet for their anger. You should know that they are trying to cope (and failing miserably at it I might add) and that you are a good person. I don't claim to know everything about your life, so that's why you should see a counselor. Members of my school faculty that I've never seen before know my name and the good things I've done recently, so Your counselors will know who you are and want to help you. You just have to tell them that you need help.
I've acually gotten a quick therapist session because a friend was concerned so they all pooled money together and helped me. I went there, and I sat down and we went though the process. This was considered a great therapist, but I felt like he did give a damn. You could tell by they way he carelessly looked around while I was talking, and I knew didn't care. He was just going through the motions to get a paycheck. I felt so bad for my friends that I'm trying to pay them back now.
Quote from: Muggywuggy on December 09, 2013, 11:17:42 PM
Whatever you do, don't do heroin.
My sister started, and stopped quickly. I don't think of putting my body through physical stress while I'm mentally stressed. I learn from others mistakes quickly.
Taysby you just gave more insight to my situation then any consoler I have ever visited, thank you.
The worst part is all this stress has led me to fall behind. I am a current holder of a low D, low C and a high C in my academics. That puts more stress on me, and the continuous loop digs me deeper.
Talking always helps. Depression is caused by overthinking and many times we create problems that aren't there or just blow them up to be bigger than what they are. Voicing these problems and thoughts help to filter out what is real and what is perceived. I am always open to taking PMs, if you ever need to talk; I'll respond as soon as I can. If you want my number so you can contact me more quickly, I can PM you that and we can text. Consider talking to friends, family, counselors, and maybe even a psychiatrist, you may be apprehensive but trust me, I know from experience that it can help. You might consider taking medication, although I can understand if you don't want to. We are here for you, life is worth living, I am always here if you need to talk ;)
And the councilors here are just so...lazy. I have filed many things about my friends being bullied and not a single thing has been done.
Quote from: Agrus Kos, Enforcer of Truth on December 09, 2013, 11:35:03 PM
Talking always helps. Depression is caused by overthinking and many times we create problems that aren't there or just blow them up to be bigger than what they are. Voicing these problems and thoughts help to filter out what is real and what is perceived. I am always open to taking PMs, if you ever need to talk; I'll respond as soon as I can. If you want my number so you can contact me more quickly, I can PM you that and we can text. Consider talking to friends, family, counselors, and maybe even a psychiatrist, you may be apprehensive but trust me, I know from experience that it can help. You might consider taking medication, although I can understand if you don't want to. We are here for you, life is worth living, I am always here if you need to talk ;)
Thank you, and anyone else who said this to me, it is greatly appreciated to an amazing extent. Medication is out of the question, I can't afford it, and no one will buy it.
Quote from: Taysby on December 09, 2013, 11:39:31 PM
Don't just file something. Demand that you speak to a counselor. At the least they can point you to someone who will help. If you need me to, I will talk to my counselor to find out what you need to do.
Although greatly appreciated, that is unessicary. I will go see one tommarrow, but if they suck I will tell you they sucked.
I know this doesn't help a whole lot, but if you are asked to leave the room, leave the house instead. Remove yourself from the vicinity for the duration of the arguments. Ever since I was a wee lad, listening to music and aimlessly walking around town has been a huge stress reliever for me. It gives you a chance to blow off steam and not have to listen to another fight. Not a fix, but maybe like a bandaid or something :). Just keep your head up! I've heard people talk about life being the same after high school, an those people are dead wrong. Basically the whole of my high school career was .poo., but my mood did a 180 after graduating and starting work. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just gotta trudge through the .poo. for a few years first.
Thank you all for this, although it doesn't fix the problem, it helped me a little to talk things out. Seeing as I know this won't be the last time I have this kind of moment, especially right now, I am keeping this up for further use. To anyone who feels the same way. I'm sorry to burden you all with my problems, but thank you for all your help.
Quote from: Silent1236 on December 09, 2013, 11:52:31 PM
I know this doesn't help a whole lot, but if you are asked to leave the room, leave the house instead. Remove yourself from the vicinity for the duration of the arguments. Ever since I was a wee lad, listening to music and aimlessly walking around town has been a huge stress reliever for me. It gives you a chance to blow off steam and not have to listen to another fight. Not a fix, but maybe like a bandaid or something :). Just keep your head up! I've heard people talk about life being the same after high school, an those people are dead wrong. Basically the whole of my high school career was .poo., but my mood did a 180 after graduating and starting work. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just gotta trudge through the .poo. for a few years first.
Thanks Silent. I plan to follow this somewhat. Music has become a chore, and now reminds me of my situation. It doesn't help with all the musical extra curricular activities I have.
Quote from: Taysby on December 10, 2013, 12:00:31 AM
Also, don't take music so seriously. Just use it to relax and have fun. That's the point of music. Not to be a stressor.
I know, but if I don't take it seriously, I fail 2 classes.
Quote from: Taysby on December 10, 2013, 12:17:32 AM
Some interesting advice about your religion problem. Even if you don't believe it, most religions teach you to be a good person, by serving, being kind, etc, and to have good values like no underage sex and drinking, so you can still learn from it even if you thing a celestial being is a load of Bullcrap.
What the hell is underage sex? Morals are one thing but telling someone they aren't mature enough to make their own decisions is anothe (just don't drink if you're depressed, seen too many good people taken over by alcohol.)
EDIT: I suppose I should add that if you ever need to talk, you can PM me or anyone else you trust. I'd bet they will be more than willing to talk about what's on your mind.
As someone who has experienced divorce as well, it's not the end of the world. It's one of the most stressful and difficult things I've ever gone through, but in the end it will always get better. You're 14, man. You have a lot of road ahead of you, and there will always be bumps. High school is one of the best times ever (until college of course ;)). One of my favorite wats to relieve stress is just to hit the gym. Just go there and let everything go (and get swole in the process), maybe even try yoga. No matter what happens now, just remember that everything will be fine eventually.
I'm really sorry to hear you have to deal with all of these things. From getting to know you here, I can tell you without a doubt that you deserve better. And I know you'll get better, too, once it all gets sorted out in time.
I ask that you take the following into consideration:
1) we care about you here. I think you're a great guy, and I really enjoy having you around here! Know that even when .poo. gets stressful at home and school, you can always kick back on the computer or iDevice with imtg. I'm always available to chat, and you can see that I'm not the only who cares enough to offer, either. That's not because we're especially helpful people, it's because you are who you are and we like that person.
2) if you have insurance, medication might not be too expensive. One of the medications I take is $4 for a 3-month prescription. It's worth looking into if you're interested. I have no copayment whatsoever for my psychiatrist, either. No reason to go it alone, help is nice to have! It's just a matter of finding the right doctor.
3) What you like is what you like, and who you are is who you are. I can't imagine how tough it must be with your parents hounding you about your hobbies and not supporting you like they should be, but please don't let it discourage you from being yourself. Like I said before, the person you are is a pretty good one.
4) your friends sound awesome. That was super nice of them to pool money for you like that! You know what that really means, right? Those people right there, those friends are there for you too. Lean on 'em! They did what they did because they want to be there to help you not just the one time, they're showing you they're there for you. And I wouldn't worry about paying them back - it's really nice of you to think of them, but they gave it to you to help! They wouldn't want you stress more to get that money back to them. And if you insist, at least take your time! They'll feel bad if they stressed you out making you work to pay em back.
Hang tough. It does get better. That's a tough age, and all of that stress doesn't help. But you'll be okay.
Buddy, that's hard. And I admire your strength and confidence to come out and ask for help. Especially on a public forum like this one.
It shows you have strength and that's what will get you through this. You are a strong little dude and I can tell from your confidence in your input in Gathering. Keep flexing that brain and that heart my friend, they are the most crucial muscles we have.
It's the most generic thing an adult can say but these things you're going through are ugly Nd tough and silly and maybe even pointless, but they are going to make you the best you you can be.
Chin up, head phones in and bliss out as best you can. 😁
Quote from: FlickerYourOwnIdentity on December 09, 2013, 11:33:47 PM
Taysby you just gave more insight to my situation then any consoler I have ever visited, thank you.
The worst part is all this stress has led me to fall behind. I am a current holder of a low D, low C and a high C in my academics. That puts more stress on me, and the continuous loop digs me deeper.
FYI. High school doesn't mean a whole lot. It's a stepping stone, but if you don't play sports well, it really makes no difference. I wouldn't stress yourself out on your grades. Focus on your life issues outside of school. I know how It feels.
I was a gangbanger when I was a young teenager. I didn't care about school at all. I ended up getting expelled from my first school because I got in a lot of fights. My second one was an alternative high school, and though it was much more relaxed, I wasn't interested. After being really dumb and making dumb choices, I ended up in a situation where I had to choose between the army and 3-5 years in prison. Obviously I chose the army. They only wanted me to join the reserves so I didn't think much of it. I went to basic training and ended up falling in love with the job. I never again though about going back to those ways. Unfortunately I was hurt while serving my second tour of duty in Iraq, and was unable to reup. I decided to go back to school as I had my GED, which is all I needed to join the army. I ended up going to NIU, great school, getting my MBA in Business Management.
My point is, I was a delinquent thug, and I still was and am successful. I know you have to listen to your parents, and I'm not telling you to go out and quit high school and join a gang. I'm not even saying disobey your parents, but try to reason with them. Explain to them how you feel and how their fighting is affecting you. They will understand.
Hope everything works out for you. Don't hesitate to pm me if you need to talk about anything!
Quote from: FlickerYourOwnIdentity on December 09, 2013, 11:55:56 PM
Thank you all for this, although it doesn't fix the problem, it helped me a little to talk things out. Seeing as I know this won't be the last time I have this kind of moment, especially right now, I am keeping this up for further use. To anyone who feels the same way. I'm sorry to burden you all with my problems, but thank you for all your help.
You aren't burdening us with your problems, you're opening your problems up to us and that is a huge step to overcoming these problems and a risk too. There are a lot of people in this community that care and don't mind that you're doing this so anytime you need help just post something or PM someone and they'll most likely help
Guys I'm ok on this matter if it is directed at me. I don't plan on having sex until marriage. I personally don't want it to seem like I'm disloyal. Now you can have your argument or discussion, just leave me out of it :)
(http://qcvoices.qwriting.qc.cuny.edu/files/2013/03/stoner-sloth-meme-generator-its-k-bro-just-chill-out-49c446.jpg)
I'm late to say much now since all I can think of has been said, but really, it does get better, I can assure you. This same thing happened to me very recently, and I just tried to ease everyone into calming down whenever I saw an argument brewing, and it normally worked. Let it slowly all get better (took a few months for me), and for a few months after just be relaxed and don't do anything that'll halt your progress. Just push through, Flicker. And, I'm sorry for sounding cliche, but you can do it, just be strong.
Quote from: Ertai on December 10, 2013, 11:48:43 AM
Quote from: Taysby on December 10, 2013, 09:54:00 AM
Quote from: #noided on December 10, 2013, 12:50:18 AM
Quote from: Taysby on December 10, 2013, 12:17:32 AM
Some interesting advice about your religion problem. Even if you don't believe it, most religions teach you to be a good person, by serving, being kind, etc, and to have good values like no underage sex and drinking, so you can still learn from it even if you thing a celestial being is a load of Bullcrap.
What the hell is underage sex? Morals are one thing but telling someone they aren't mature enough to make their own decisions is anothe (just don't drink if you're depressed, seen too many good people taken over by alcohol.)
Underage sex is having sex when you aren't ready to support the child. I was using hat as an example of good things religion teaches you. I can also say not doing drugs. And not hitting other people, or not calling them names. Religion teaches you to be a good, nice person.
This is going to the extreme. I full heartily disagree.
"Religion teaches you to be a good person", Crusades, Helter Skelter, and all the genocide that's happened in the name of "god"
Also, just because you have sex doesn't mean the women will get pregnant. Lol. That's super ignorant, just like the religious to believe that.
"Bombs drop for jesus."
Learning about this case in school.
Quote from: Ertai on December 10, 2013, 05:51:30 PM
Dude, my evidence is perception. Your definition of "values" is also a perception. It may also be different then what other's value.
Murder is wrong because the law says it's wrong. That's why people values say its wrong.
The church says killing is wrong no matter what. Lots of people feel different.
If you know anything about history, then you would know the church has always been corrupt and false.
As far as my opinion, a book written by a human being that talks about how people are supposed to live doesn't sound very appealing.
Even though I spoke about one religion, the samec an be said for every other religion. If "god" gave us free will, what's the point of a book that orders you to do certain things, or risk going to a fabled place.
Sorry, not buying it. There's plenty of other things that teach values, say the Laws governed by your country. Or maybe how you are raised.
My point is, think for your bloody self, not some magical fairy tail.
I don't think that this is very helpful or on topic, others here may feel differently, y'know. Essentially you are saying that religion is a load of bull and do not base your moral code on a religion, right? Well, I don't think that the law is anything to base your moral code on, countless government have been and are corrupt. England issued a law in its industrial revolution making it illegal for engineers to leave the country, if I'm an engineer, is it then morally wrong to take a vacation?
Quote from: Ertai on December 10, 2013, 06:18:00 PM
Quote from: IceScythe on December 10, 2013, 06:07:33 PM
Quote from: Ertai on December 10, 2013, 05:51:30 PM
Dude, my evidence is perception. Your definition of "values" is also a perception. It may also be different then what other's value.
Murder is wrong because the law says it's wrong. That's why people values say its wrong.
The church says killing is wrong no matter what. Lots of people feel different.
If you know anything about history, then you would know the church has always been corrupt and false.
As far as my opinion, a book written by a human being that talks about how people are supposed to live doesn't sound very appealing.
Even though I spoke about one religion, the samec an be said for every other religion. If "god" gave us free will, what's the point of a book that orders you to do certain things, or risk going to a fabled place.
Sorry, not buying it. There's plenty of other things that teach values, say the Laws governed by your country. Or maybe how you are raised.
My point is, think for your bloody self, not some magical fairy tail.
I don't think that this is very helpful or on topic, others here may feel differently, y'know. Essentially you are saying that religion is a load of bull and do not base your moral code on a religion, right? Well, I don't think that the law is anything to base your moral code on, countless government have been and are corrupt. England issued a law in its industrial revolution making it illegal for engineers to leave the country, if I'm an engineer, is it then morally wrong to take a vacation?
I find it morally wrong to change your stage coach wheel on the side of the road.
Sorry, I just had to say that, because it's actually still a law in a state.
You're right, it was not productive of me to argue, and I apologize. Though my views are completely different, I felt the need to voice my opinion, as Tasby had as well.
thanks for understanding, and @Flicker, this may have been said several times already, but I'm only a little older than you and I had some of the same problems last year, you just got to tough it out man, it hurts and it's stressful right now, and it may get worse, but at the end of it all, things will get better. If your parents fight then I would do as Mlerner said and try to just calm down the argument, or remove myself from the situation.
Nice one, IceScythe.
Now, we're dealing with a sensitive issue here in which a forum user (a mod, no less who deserves some respect for their efforts for forum betterment) is reaching out. If you gave to have another endless religion vs atheism debate, fair enough, by all means go ahead!!! But please split threads.
Everyone chill, if we treat each other with respect, don't lie and accept other's opinions as their own and everything will be fine.
I know it's been said, so I'll just reiterate the point. You're young. None of this will matter in 3 1/2 years. Just hold out until then and you'll be 18 and be able to get out on your own. That's 3 1/2 years followed by tr rest of your life to make your own decisions and do as you please. I'm 25, soon to be 26. Literally nothing that happened to me 12 years ago matters now.
Just keep your head up, young brother. Things will get better.
Also, now that you think about it my situation was the same as yours to the detail. 92+ on school or I was failing, my
arents screamed every ngiht, have a dog, they hate magic and electronics, I do band, and my sisters are never home because of college stuff and my school sounds just like yours. I've lost a few friends because of them I'm trying to get back... The only Thing I'm missing is religion, which I have to argue against (still) every day against some moron thy only argues that "God made this all, and the reason people die is because they don't believe in him", and almost got pushed a little too far... So yeah, I probably could give you some advice, if not everything's been said.
Quote from: Mikefrompluto on December 10, 2013, 07:54:58 PM
I know it's been said, so I'll just reiterate the point. You're young. None of this will matter in 3 1/2 years. Just hold out until then and you'll be 18 and be able to get out on your own. That's 3 1/2 years followed by tr rest of your life to make your own decisions and do as you please. I'm 25, soon to be 26. Literally nothing that happened to me 12 years ago matters now.
Just keep your head up, young brother. Things will get better.
I'm about to turn 19 and nothing I did 3 years ago matters now.
Quote from: #noided on December 10, 2013, 08:57:56 PM
Quote from: Mikefrompluto on December 10, 2013, 07:54:58 PM
I know it's been said, so I'll just reiterate the point. You're young. None of this will matter in 3 1/2 years. Just hold out until then and you'll be 18 and be able to get out on your own. That's 3 1/2 years followed by tr rest of your life to make your own decisions and do as you please. I'm 25, soon to be 26. Literally nothing that happened to me 12 years ago matters now.
Just keep your head up, young brother. Things will get better.
I'm about to turn 19 and nothing I did 3 years ago matters now.
Exactly.
Well I did follow al advice given (not medication however) and I'll give a run through.
Listening to rock music = good idea
Listening to classical music = great idea
Listening to songs in minor, or sad songs = horrible idea ( which sucks because I like songs in minor)
Listening to anything recent = makes me sad :(
Councilor meeting: Well... At least they cared. They honestly didn't know what to do. To give a run down of the meeting, I explained my situation. Their first statement was don't do drugs. Pretty generic, but ok. They started babbling on about something to a co-worker because my councilor said he needed a seconmd opinion. Great sign. The next question to me was and I quote, "do you want us to call the police for child abuse."
They looked like they truly wanted to help, but the meeting declined from that point forward. Ranging from, "It's ok to call the police in this situation" to, "have they been sexually abusing you..." Taysby, they sucked. But at least they cared.
The doing more work idea was put to use, and that didn't really help. As explained in one of my other posts, there is a loop.
Quote from: FlickerYourOwnIdentity on December 10, 2013, 10:39:59 PM
Well I did follow al advice given (not medication however) and I'll give a run through.
Listening to rock music = good idea
Listening to classical music = great idea
Listening to songs in minor, or sad songs = horrible idea ( which sucks because I like songs in minor)
Listening to anything recent = makes me sad :(
Councilor meeting: Well... At least they cared. They honestly didn't know what to do. To give a run down of the meeting, I explained my situation. Their first statement was don't do drugs. Pretty generic, but ok. They started babbling on about something to a co-worker because my councilor said he needed a seconmd opinion. Great sign. The next question to me was and I quote, "do you want us to call the police for child abuse."
They looked like they truly wanted to help, but the meeting declined from that point forward. Ranging from, "It's ok to call the police in this situation" to, "have they been sexually abusing you..." Taysby, they sucked. But at least they cared.
The doing more work idea was put to use, and that didn't really help. As explained in one of my other posts, there is a loop.
good to know that some things have helped. hope you can find a solution to your remaining predicament.
Quote from: Taysby on December 10, 2013, 10:53:24 PM
I'll look into other options for you. Your parents are abusing you, but I think reporting them for child abuse and getting put in foster care or something would make your life more miserable. Do you have relatives or a friend you could move in with for a while?
No need to look for me, I can somewhat handle myself.
Besides, I have friends who are willing to let me move in with them. However their parents are more then likely going to try to get rid of me by calling my parents.
Are you acquainted with any if their parents personally? On top of potentially housing you maybe the ones you're closest with could give advice the councilors couldn't.
I'm sorry to hear you're facing these challenges, just know you will be an even stronger and more resilient person after this passes. I'm glad you felt your school counselors cared, I urge you to seek out caring adults and friends. Any support system really.
(This includes our community here on iMTG.) I am one year away from obtaining my MS is Marriage Family Therapy (I promise we aren't all terrible!) Please feel free to PM me any time, if you think it would help. Focus on the positives. I don't know you incredibly well but you strike me as an intelligent and caring person, and I wish you the best :)
I'm glad you had the guts to share Flicker. I agree with Icesythe, Silent, Gorzo, Mike n' Spike et all: the passage of time is your best friend. Remember too that your parents are kind of like you right now, broken and confused and trying to deal. Granted, they're not dealing well but understanding the problems they have can help you distinguish between your issues and theirs. Allow yourself the benefit of not owning most of this stuff since it is their confusion and hurt, not yours.
Speaking of hurt, you hurt a lot now, I know. Teenage years are rough enough without the threat of divorce. But it's like losing mtg matches over and over when you started playing : you can let the hurt break you and give up or you can use it to learn and become better.
And sleep. Seriously. A lot. At your age you need around 9 hours.
Know that you've got a support network here my friend. Ask whenever you need. Feel free to PM me anytime.