Kaalia, the Origin

Thanks so much, guys. I'm glad you're all liking it. Make sure you spread the word about it, cause I'd love to hear some ideas and theories about where to go next. PM me any ideas or whatever. I'm kinda making it up as I go. ;-)

Good eye on the typo, by the way. That's fixed now. Bloody autocorrect.

I'm debating whether to make it long or short. If its long, I get to flesh out the story some more at the cost of not being able to do as many Commander Origin stories, but if I make it short, then I can churn out more stories at the cost of quality. What do you guys think?

quality over quantity brotha, you know the rules, i dont mind the wait if it means a good story

Kresh the Bloodbraided is a farmer, this explains everything!

Kresh the Bloodbraided is a farmer, this explains everything!

That was entirely accidental. XD

Quote from: gtfotis on December 12, 2013, 06:16:05 AM

Kresh the Bloodbraided is a farmer, this explains everything!

That was entirely accidental. XD

I literally googled it because I thought I was missing something, I love both of them so if I found out he was the father, I'd flip out like this was Maury!

Chapter 3
A Fateful Step in the Wrong Direction

6 MONTHS LATER

She held the man there by his throat with magic.
"As I'm sure you're aware, I can do this for a long time. Gilbrack is crawling with Black Mana."
Liliana approached her captive, leaning in close seductively and showing off her cleavage.
"Now, I'll ask you again; where was the dagger forged?" Still the man said nothing, though if it was because he was stubborn or because he was suspended in midair was hard to tell. Liliana dropped him and he hit the ground, gasping for air.
"Ready to go again? Or are you going to be good and talk?"
The man sputtered a little before responding. "Never! Gilbrack won't cave in to the likes of you, witch!"
Liliana sighed and coiled some power, bringing the decayed husk of a man lurching out of the ground. It reeked of death, and it made the man retch when the Planeswalker ran a hand over its shoulder like it was her lover.
"This was the last man who defied me. Like you, he had information I wanted, and also like you, he was annoyingly noble. I give you two choices; talk and die swiftly, or don't talk, I sic my friend here on you, turn you then you talk anyway."
The man stood tall, despite quivering in fear.
"I'd rather die than divulge to you, necromancer."
"I was hoping you'd say that. Have at him."
The zombie lunged forward with impossible speed, tackling the man to the ground and tearing into him.

Liliana smiled through the screams.
"The time for subtlety is over, I think."

--------------------

Kaalia sat cross-legged on her bed, reading the latest letter from her father, Kresh. As she finished reading, she frowned. Tarelle walked into their shared bedroom and, upon seeing the look on Kaalia's face, snorted in derision as she moved into the bathroom.
"What's wrong, princess, Daddy find another woman?"
"Shut up, Tarelle. He's saying that people have gone missing in towns around the Citadel," she replied, examining her nails.
"So what? People go missing all the time in the city, and no one cares about them. What makes you think they're gonna care about what happens outside the city walls?"
Kaalia had to give her that, but something still wasn't quite right about the whole thing.

"Have you ever seen a Zombie, Tarelle?"
The girl choked on the water she was rinsing her mouth with. Spitting it out, she reappeared in the doorway, glaring at Kaalia.
"No. They're native to Drevik, the Necra capital. Where, incidentally, I plan to never go. Besides, why would you ask that? It's not as if they've come here."
"I think they have, though," Kaalia said quietly, her eyes distant. Tarelle just stared. "What?"
"I think there may be Zombies in Gilbrack. Something Papa said in his letter."
"How would they be here? Zombies aren't natural, they're made, and they need White, Black and Green mana constantly to be sustained. We don't use Green here, so that's impossible. Stupid girl."
Kaalia shook her head as Tarelle settled into her own bed.

The city-born woman could be impossible sometimes. It was something Kaalia had learned in the past six months training alongside Tarelle. For all the arguments, destroyed equipment and failed training parameters, Father Kwinn had been right; they complimented each other very well. Tarelle, ever the adrenaline junkie, always charged into the fray, spell-slinging and sword swinging, while Kaalia took a backseat command position, sending out basic Angels and Dragons out to help her partner. They still had arguments and insulted each other, but they had a relationship where that happened outside of combat; inside a battle, they were fiercely protective of each other.

Looking back out the window from a flash of light in the corner if her eye, Kaalia gasped.
"Tarelle!"
"Ugh, what is it now, Kaalia?"
"There's a town under attack! See the haze of fire? And the flashes?"
"Yeah, so? We can't help them, it's forbidden to leave the Citadel after dark."
Kaalia ignored and swept out of bed, gathering her gear and changing into it.
"Kaalia..? What're you doing?"
"What's it look like?" Kaalia responded as she strapped her dagger to her waist. "I can't sit here and watch our people burn. I'm going to help them."
Tarelle sighed and got out of bed, grabbing her equipment as well. Kaalia looked up and smiled, saying nothing.

----------------------

Arriving at the towns main square on horseback, Kaalia slid off the horse. Drawing her dagger, she surveyed her surrounds, took in the smells and sounds. It was a bloodbath; people running and screaming, fires eating away at home, guardsmen trying to coordinate with each other, and Kaalia could have sworn that she saw a sprinting corpse here and there.
"Kaalia, what's the word?"
"Get to the outskirts and circle the town. Gather as many guardsmen as safely as you can and collect civilians along the way. If you find out where whatever's attacking them is coming from, send someone to me."
"Got it. Stay safe!" Tarelle shouted as she urged the horse along the main road.
"You too!" Kaalia called back, flexing the hand on her dagger. In a flash of white light, the Baneslayer Angel appeared, already on full alert. "What's happening, Kaalia?"
"I don't know, but these people need our help!"
"I'm not leaving you."
That made Kaalia smile, despite the situation. "I know. I'm getting more help, trust me." Flexing her hand again, there was a distant roar then a burst of flame, the Dragon that caused it landing its ink-black body on the ground effortlessly. The Balefire Dragon bowed its head to Kaalia, it's deep red eyes burning with her anger.
"What does my Lady ask?" The Dragon asked, it's voice speaking inside her mind.
"Fly over the city, clear roads, pathways, everywhere you can."
"That won't be efficient enough, I'm not small enough to get into tight spaces."
Kaalia nodded, flexing her hand on the dagger once more. Her Angelic Skirmisher appeared, sword at the ready, eyes on Kaalia.
"Assist the Dragon."
"Your will is ours." The pair flew off, leaving the Baneslayer Angel with Kaalia.
"Let's go," Kaalia said, and she ran further into the town, the Angel flying low above her.

Quote from: xStrayKnightx on December 12, 2013, 06:35:18 AM

Quote from: gtfotis on December 12, 2013, 06:16:05 AM

Kresh the Bloodbraided is a farmer, this explains everything!

That was entirely accidental. XD

I literally googled it because I thought I was missing something, I love both of them so if I found out he was the father, I'd flip out like this was Maury!

I'm actually glad it's not possible; he's from Jund, which is Alaran, while Kaalia is Dega, from a fictional plane called Vanaketh. I did think briefly on how to make it happen for LOLs, but then decided against it.

typo alert, in the first paragraph testing -> tearing; got -> for
im loving these btw. keep em coming

Again, thanks for the typo check. Fixed.

Again, thanks for the typo check. Fixed.

happy to help the story is progressing nicely, I think.

minor typo: paragraph 5, sentence 3: at homeS

just a minor thing I found while reading. Nicely done!

NOOOOO!!! F*** YOU!!! No cliffhangers like this!!!!!!!!! Lol I wanna know what happens!!!

Lol but seriously you should write a book bc this is awesome!!!

NOOOOO!!! F*** YOU!!! No cliffhangers like this!!!!!!!!! Lol I wanna know what happens!!!

Lol but seriously you should write a book bc this is awesome!!!

I didn't have time to do that whole sequence, and I think it ended well.

Also; MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Quote from: Mattao19 on December 13, 2013, 03:39:43 AM

NOOOOO!!! F*** YOU!!! No cliffhangers like this!!!!!!!!! Lol I wanna know what happens!!!

Lol but seriously you should write a book bc this is awesome!!!

I didn't have time to do that whole sequence, and I think it ended well.

Also; MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ya it did! I was jk about being upset. You have a real talent btw

Thanks, guys!

I've decided that I'm only going to do the Legendaries from the Commander sets, and even then if there's the possibility of a story behind each one. This one focuses in Kaalia, but places Tariel in a god-like position.

I'm only saying this cause I honestly can't think of anything for all the Commanders, and some of their short bios speak enough for themselves.

Dude I love the book, Kaalia is my favorite legendary, and I love the way the book is progressing. So keep it coming. If I could I would plus one all of these.