In a tough spot... Advice needed

Quote from: Missingkirby34 on May 03, 2013, 04:52:47 PM

I found out last week that the whole 22 months she was sleeping with this guy

Are you sure?

Okay... Maybe not the whole time but for atleast 14 months, one of her friends (they hate eachother now) was clearing out messages and saw older messages from her....

Quote from: Piotr on May 03, 2013, 05:25:55 PM

Quote from: Missingkirby34 on May 03, 2013, 04:52:47 PM

I found out last week that the whole 22 months she was sleeping with this guy

Are you sure?

Okay... Maybe not the whole time but for atleast 14 months, one of her friends (they hate eachother now) was clearing out messages and saw older messages from her....

If they hate each other, the ex friend is not a very reliable witness. Have you seen these messages?

Monopolisation of justice is a very very stupid rule. He was there on the spot, twice as big as the other guy. If justice had to be dealt, he should have done it himself on the spot, rather than cover behind the corrupt justice system and waste taxpayers money.

Best thing to do is laugh about the entire thing, you're no longer involved and past and above the whole thing. But food for thought, just imagine how paranoid the other guy must be right now, he knows what she'll do.

Spreading that about her wasn't the right thing. All it will do is make it so you can never be friends again. What if down the road, when she was more mature she would have apologized for cheating, an generally felt bad about it? It's happened to me that way before. People grow up and mature. But the more you spread this, the bigger rift you create. What if she becomes your boss someday? Or someday you need a favor from her and she doesn't awnser because you spread something nasty about her in your teen years?

In a country where there is statistically a 90% chance the person you are thinking about pushing has access to a firearm I would recommend against using an escalation of force.

 There is a lot of peopimals out there just like Piotr that believe they are some how above the law, and won't hesitate to push you back harder if you push them.

Are you saying its against the law to defend yourself when threatened?

I absolutely agree that the best thing to do is to walk away, and do what you can to avoid the fight. However, as a martial artist (and in general) I also believe you have the right to defend yourself, if you truly feel you are in danger. I will take all measures necessary to avoid a fight, but if the aggressor is persistent, am I going to sit back while he eats me up? Absolutely not.

Walking away is the better option, if possible. But once that's no longer an option, you absolutely have the right to defend yourself. There's nothing "above the law" about that.

I think the policy are hardly an option in a self defense situation. If someone is standing there pounding your face in, do you think they're just going to let you pull your cell phone out, call the cops, and then wait there for the cops to come deal with it? No way, that's absurd.

The fact is, if there are cops around, they probably won't pick a fight with you. And if there aren't cops around, they won't be dumb enough to let you get them, and wait for justice to be served. Not to look down on cops, but honestly, they're hardly ever there in these situations.

I've never heard a story claiming "Yeah, this guy was tearing into me, so I politely told him to stop for a minute, which he did. I. Pulled out my cell phone, and called the cops. The guy was fine with this, and just sat there until the cops came, and they hauled him off."

And as for training, I have been trained to defend myself (and have seen the training policemen go through, which was pretty cool). Does that not make me qualified?

As absurd as it is, picking up your cell phone and dialing 9-11 after someone pushes you generally won't result in them striking you in the face, much as striking them in the face more than likely would... Wouldn't you agree?

I can see the point here, but there's a couple things I disagree with. First, I hardly think calling the cops because someone pushed you is reasonable. That's seems like a major overreaction. There have been plenty of times where someone pushed me, and I asked them to back off. One of two things happened; they backed off, or their aggression continued. If they are aggressive, they'll probably hit you the moment you whip your phone out, and not give you the chance to call someone for help. What happens then?

Now, I'm walking down the street, and I see someone with a weapon beating someone up, my options will likely be somewhat different. In this case, sure, I'd call the cops, and then is do what I can do disarm the person, and then let them take it from there.

There's certainly a time to call the police. However, getting pushed isn't the time (as I've stated, even if you do threaten, they'll probably knock the phone out if your hands, to maintain control over you), and the time certainly isn't when you're already in the confrontation, as I was trying to express.

How come you can get charged with aggravated assault? Also kanga, your missing the point of what I was trying to say

Piss her off now, you may regret it later on

As I said, the only way that I believe is a healthy way to approach a situation is in your head to believe that physical violence is the absolute worst case scenario for both you and the other person.

 I think you'd be surprised what happens when people hit you and you just grab them and tell them they need to stop.

First off, this happens to people who aren't prepared to use force themselves. People who are aggressive want to take control of the situation, whether it not they psysiologically think you're ready to fight or not. They want to dominate, plain and simple.

I agree, fighting is not the best way to go. I said it multiple times in my previous posts, walking away is the better option. It's when walking away is no longer an option, you can't rely on outside forces to defend yourself all the time.

And no, I wouldn't be surprised how often people back off when you tell them to stop. Don't make me out to be a savage, I avoid fights at all costs, but I won't be a pushover if someone is persistent, and I feel threatened. I'm very proud to say I've avoided far more fights than I've actually been in.

Of course fighting is an option. Running is also an option, yelling at the guy in Russian is an option, hell, sitting down and eating food in front of the aggressor is an option. There's tons of options, but I have to choose the one that benefits me the most.

When there's a guy who's 250 pounds of steroid infused muscle, that wants nothing more than to assert his physical strength upon me, I hardly have options. If I can avoid the fight, I certainly will. I love nothing more than peaceful confrontations. But when I'm on the ground, and he's now drilling into my bloodied head with his fists, I'm supposed to tell myself "no, I can't defend myself"? If he starts hitting me, I'm going to fight back. I prefer a "three strikes" system. At that point, hes being overly aggressive, and I will take measures to stop it. If he falls to the ground, or runs away, or asks for me stop to, then I stop.

I'm not some bloodthirsty savage that hopes for people to start crap with me, just for the sake of fighting. Defending myself is the worst case scenario, but it is a possibility. When someone starts getting cofrontational, my thoughts aren't "Awesome! If he keeps this up, maybe I can punch him!" My thoughts are "I need to resolve this peacefully, so nobody gets hurt."

If he ends up striking me, I can only tell him to stop so many times before it becomes pointless, and I need to make sure I'm not in danger. The idea is to defend myself as a deterrent, not as a way of saying "leave me alone, because I can kick your ass." Any martial artist who lives by the latter statement is abusing his knowledge, and lowering himself as a person.

With physical situations the best thing to do is neutralize the aggressor. Sometimes that may
Include using force that may result in pain

So is the circle of life

🎵Why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends, why can't we be frieeeends🎵

Okay so to clarify, I have seen the messages, and I don't ever want her back in my life, she messed this one up. The one reason I'm telling people is because I don't ever want one of my friends to feel the pain I felt. And yes her current boyfriend is the guy she was sleeping with while we were dating

To each their own.  I will try to peacefully resolve a confrontation up to the point when they try actually hitting me. At they point it becomes physical and there are only three things you can do. Run, fight and sit there and take it. Each option has its +s and -s. Run is an option best used in a one time situation where your adversary doesn't have a gun and it will end there. Fighting is the next option if fleeing isn't going to work. Sitting there and taking it is best used in public where you want to humiliate your adversary or if you think you can still get him to back off.

Saying that fighting is never an option is great for school or bars where it isn't likely to end in you dead. Once that is on the table it becomes stupid to take a beating. Preparing for this is not looking for a fight and doesn't prevent you from trying many times to leave without hitting back. You do stand a much better chance of coming out alive if your life does come into question.