Best chuck Norris lines?

[BcBudds]

Wow I hit a popular topic

Chuck Norris, Armold Swhartchenhager (bad spelling haha ) and Silvester Stalone (rocky balboa) all died at the same time (theoretically)

They are lined up in front of GOD and he has 1 empty seat beside him

He asks the 3 why do you think you deserve to sit in the chair beside me?

Arnold says;
I believe being the governner and everythaaang I put a positive influence on the world

GOD; ok Silvester your turn

Silvester; I believe I had a positive influence through all my movies to never give up

GOD; ok chuck what do u got to say?

CHUCK NORRIS;

Hey god, your in my seat bud!

[darkarts981]

Overgrown Chin
{B}{B}
Instant
Replace all instances of Chuck Norris with Bruce Campbell.

"Hail to the king baby!"

Chuck Norris will come for you...

Ill just hide behind Bruce's chin. Chuck's roundhouse kick can't penetrate it.

Sh!t just got serious!

[darkarts981]

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

This made me laugh so hard

[Harmon74]

Who's more powerful Chuck Norris or God?  Trick question.  Chuck Norris IS GOD!

[Rasser]

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the 💩 out of it.

[Rasser]

Chuck Norris and Superman fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

[cltrn81]

Chuck Norris p!ssed in a can once.....now we have Red Bull.

[Quackmaster5]

Chuck Norris only has one offspring. His name is God.

Chuck Norris is the "end all, be all." And no one ever makes it to the be all.

Chuck Norris doesn't have to stop at "stop signs."  He just yells "PUNCH IT!" And a wookie hits the hyperdrive. Then he roundhouse kicks the sign.

[Kareason]

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.



Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

[smokin terry]

Chuck noris doesn't go swimming. Water just wants to be around him. 

He attacks sharks when he smells them bleed.

He split the union with a round house kick.

Abe Lincoln may have freed the slaves but chuck is everyone's master.

His fist make the speed of light wish it were faster.

(I got all of these from nicepeter's epic rap battles of history-Abe versus chuck.)

[AgrusKos]

Chuck noris doesn't go swimming. Water just wants to be around him. 

He attacks sharks when he smells them bleed.

He split the union with a round house kick.

Abe Lincoln may have freed the slaves but chuck is everyone's master.

His fist make the speed of light wish it were faster.

(I got all of these from nicepeter's epic rap battles of history-Abe versus chuck.)

I saw that! I love that video, but I think Abe won

[MarduArrow]

Chuck Norris once challenged his reflection to a staring contest... And won

There was once an idea to make Chuck Norris toilet paper, it didn't go so well because Chuck Norris doesn't take 💩 from anyone

[Quackmaster5]

Chuck Norris once caught a blue whale while fly fishing.

Chuck Norris doesn't laugh in the face of danger. He roundhouse kicks it and it becomes the face of fear.

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.

Chuck Norris died 500 years ago. Death still doesn't have the balls to tell him.

Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using a 2 of clubs, a "get out of jail free" card from Monopoly, a coupon from Walmart, a late pass from school and a {Vizzedrix}.

[Murtaugh]

Chuck Norris is so good at pool that the balls go into the hole before he hits them.

[Tbone]

Chuck Norris doesn't swim in water, water just naturally wants to be around him