Short Story About My Life. with a twist.

[theravenseye]

So I wrote this:

The Boy of Disrepair



          Once, there were three friends, two girls and a boy. Now, the boy liked one of the girls and they got along fine. Although it was awkward since they could only see each other on weekends and on special occasions. Even with this hindrance, they continued to talk to each other through the phone( it cost them both thousands of pesos of load). And even with this, they didn't care. Overtime, the boy began to produce feelings for the girl, the boy wasn't sure though if the girl felt the same way. It wasn't until a few weeks later that the girl and the boy met up after school. The boys friends were there to say hello to their old friend. This was the girl's birthday after all. The boy made the obvious choice and gave the girl a gift for her birthday. Seeing this, the girl gave the boy an embrace of happiness. At this point, the boy's doubts went away. A few weeks were to pass before the school's annual promenade. The boy had a friend who he always texted with about the girl. He asked this friend of his if he had a chance with this girl. The boys friend told him she wasn't sure but that she was certain he had a chance with the girl.

     It was a week before prom. The boy's family had just come from church and were having dinner in a Vietnamese restaurant nearby. He finally gathered the courage to propose the idea of a relationship with the girl. Needless to say, she turned him down. The boy was disappointed, but he could understand her reasons. Days past, it was a Monday. The boy, dreaming about a relationship with the girl got overconfident and had become myopic. He started a rumor that he and the girl were an official couple. The boy's batch mates were happy and congratulated him. The day got even better when the girl said yes to the boy's proposal to go with him to prom. The boy thought it was fine, and at that time, he felt like he could soar through the clouds.

      It wasn't even a week later that the rumor he had come up with spread like wildfire. Things got even worse when the girl heard about it. He received a text from the girl with a plethora of questions as to how and why he had spread those rumors. He wasn't even quite sure himself. The boy and the girl had started to fight because of the boy's ignorance. The girl had settled never to talk to the boy again. The boy, angered by this, sent a donkey's years worth of counter argument. But the boy knew the girl was right. And his heart forever, was filled with malcontent.


II.

       The summer passed and a new school year came around. The boy met new friends, missed his old ones, and met new people. He also said hello to his friends the year before. Although it pained him to see one of the girls he was friend with since this reminded him of his foolish mistake he made in the past. Even through this, he carried on.


       One of the boy's friends was a girl. Much like the one he fought with. Only, this time, he didn't fall for her, they were just friends. The boy's best friend did though. The boy could see why his best friend liked her. She was sweet, smiling, always happy, and never in her heart did she have a sense of true doubt. The boy liked her, not just because of her qualities, but also because she had a great smile. A smile that could light up the sun the way it does everyday, only way brighter.

     Months passed and the boy started to like the girl even more. He was aware of the girl's feelings and this time, did not dare cross the boundaries that were set before. It all went oh so wrong. Again.

       A moment's pass and it was already October. The boy went on a road trip with his friends to the province. They were exhausted when they arrived so they just slept. After everyone was asleep, the boy and his best friend were playing a game they both enjoyed. The boy told his best friend his feelings about the girl they both liked very much. Even if this sounded weird to the best friend, he respected the boy's choices, after three hours still without a winner, they just called the game a draw.

       Saturday awoke the group of friends. They started to tell stories and joke around. At ten in the morning, one of the friend's mothers told them that they would go swimming. They were excited. It apparently took longer for the group to prepare than it should have. After everyone was ready, they went to the mall first to kill some time. They spent almost all their money on arcade games. The girl was  overjoyed when the group won a stuffed toy for her. After that, they went to the pool. Everyone readily rushed to the pool when they saw how beautiful was. The mother of one of the friends told them that they could stay there until 8:00 PM. So they spent that time as best as they could. At about 6:30 PM, it started to rain. So they went to the other pool where they all had to reveal a secret they had kept to themselves. The boy was asked by one of his friends : "Who do you have a crush on in our group?". Unprepared, the boy tried to get them to move onto someone else, but the others were too resilient and the boy had no choice but to
tell them. He uttered the girl's name. The girl looked disappointed. He wasn't sure why though. After this, the mother came to pick them up.

             The group was tired since they were all exhausted. They went to mass and after, they left to go back to the city. The hours before Monday diminished to nothing as they saw each other again. They all shared their experiences with their batch mates who couldn't go. They shared photos, laughs, and jokes. The day went by as quick as lightning. Tuesday came along and the first half was alright, though the group did come together to solve a problem one of them was having. This was resolved quickly. The second part, the ghost of the boy's past came to haunt him. The girl he liked had heard a rumor from one of her friends that he liked her. The girl wouldn't talk to the boy when he asked what was wrong. The minutes passed as lunch came by. That lunch, the boy decided to avoid the girl first since she was having problems at that time. He decided to talk to one of his friends and discussed with him his problem. The boy's friend wasn't much help though. The bell rang. The boy approached his best friend and asked him why the girl was mad at him. He told him it was because of the rumors.
The boy decided to take the situation calmly by slamming the doors in the bathroom. He talked with his other friends and told them his situation. It wasn't long before class was dismissed. At this time, the boy's ride home wasn't there yet. So he sulked in a corner about how all the rotten luck had befallen him. The girl was there and so was his best friend and the girl's best friend. At some point, the girl's friend spotted the boy. She told the girl not to follow her or their friendship would be ruined. The girl replied: "I'm nothing like him." After hearing this, the boy's heart dropped. He felt that now, no one would ever care for him again. The following weeks, the boy didn't go to school since he didn't want to see the girl again. Everyone forgot about him except the best friend.

He would always and forever be remembered as The Boy of Disrepair.
   
        #enjoy

[Apathy Reactor]

1. protagonist handles situation poorly.
2. protagonist is not addressed personally, making him harder to relate to and less likable.
3. main plot point is "middle school romance" type drama.
4. use of words and rhetoric could use improvement, especially in the imagery department.
5. overall 2/5, did not enjoy.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, just some constructive criticism for your benefit! 
Keep writing!

[theravenseye]

1. protagonist handles situation poorly.
2. protagonist is not addressed personally, making him harder to relate to and less likable.
3. main plot point is "middle school romance" type drama.
4. use of words and rhetoric could use improvement, especially in the imagery department.
5. overall 2/5, did not enjoy.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, just some constructive criticism for your benefit! 
Keep writing!

I'm sorry, it's just hard for me to write when recalling these painful memories of yesteryear.

[Apathy Reactor]

1. protagonist handles situation poorly.
2. protagonist is not addressed personally, making him harder to relate to and less likable.
3. main plot point is "middle school romance" type drama.
4. use of words and rhetoric could use improvement, especially in the imagery department.
5. overall 2/5, did not enjoy.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, just some constructive criticism for your benefit! 
Keep writing!

I'm sorry, it's just hard for me to write when recalling these painful memories of yesteryear.

Hey, no need to apologize, just take your time, think, and keep writing.
Improvement with practice, yeah?