Here I am again. I've dug myself another hole.
As some of you may know, from my Pouring Out my Soul thread I have many issues. A lot of them involving my relationship with my parents. Well I have another disaster unfolding.
As some of you know, I started a Math 30-1 and English 30-1 course over a year ago. Well I've had more than enough time and I still don't see myself finishing before the deadline. Why?
At first I found it overwhelming, assured myself I had tons of time and avoided it. Then my parents cracked down, and I started moving forward. However that wasn't enough for them and they constantly breathed down my neck and chewed me out and gave me .poo. about how I should be done and anyone else would have been and I'm smarter than this. I had a bit of a relapse into depression, got super stressed out and started avoiding it. Then the deadline loomed and I knew I wouldn't make it. I got an extension, all the while taking .poo. from my parents about how badly I'd fucked up (and I fucked up). They told me I wouldn't make it, I'd been on a path to fail. I told myself they were wrong. I had plenty of time with the extension and I wouldn't have to worry. My English teacher gave me a must complete list. I had this. I'd prove them wrong.
But I'm an absolute piece of .poo.. I did the same .loving. thing. Convinced myself I had time, got stressed when I realized I didn't and avoided it.
My parents made me write some stupid ass contract about how I'll only play an hour of video games a day and only after I've gotten my stuff done. Like I'm 12 again. I've voided the getting my stuff done but not the hour. But that doesn't mean .poo.. I have no idea what my repercussions will be but .love. me.
Some point during this my parents decided that I'm going into public school next year. I don't want to but maybe that's what I need. And part of my justification was that they had a 98% chance of forcing me to redo my courses because they want me to have a really high grade.
What that does mean is it's not over, I can get my courses in the school year. If I can smarten the .love. up. I don't understand myself, I don't understand how I can see all these things I'm doing wrong and build up resolve to change and just have it crumble to dust. Don't give me the just do it bullshit. If that's how it worked I wouldn't be here. I honestly think I need therapy.
Yesterday my mother asked me how school was going. I couldn't bring myself to discuss it so I avoided the question. She brought it up again today so I said I'd talk about it tonight. So I need to figure out what the .love. to say.
I guarantee this is going to spin into a video games are ruining my life issue and that's not the problem. They're an escape, remove them and I'll either find another one (most likely) or lose my mind.
At the end of the day I have realized this is not about school. This is not about video games. This is not about my parents. This is about me. Being .loving. stupid. And I don't know what to do and I don't know where to go and if I could just die and leave this all behind I'd welcome it with open arms (don't worry I won't kill myself. If I could I'd be dead already.)
So I have an idea. Instead of getting into a .loving. disaster of an argument and getting in all kinds of .poo. I'm going to write a letter (maybe an email my handwriting is messy as .love. and keyboards don't get tear stains.) I'm going to hand it to my parents and take a walk. The walk so they can read and process it without stopping to get pissy with me. The letter will try to explain where am at, why I'm here. I'm going to seriously think about therapy. I'm going to accept whatever consequences befall me. I have no one to blame but myself. I'm going to suggest that I pay for the courses as I'm the one that wasted the money (on that note I have a shot at a job crating chickens. If it doesn't slay me I'll finally be making money.).
I want to change, why can't I?
Please tell me what you think about the email/letter. Does the format (letter or email?) matter? Is it a good idea? How would you respond if I was, God forbid, your kid? What else can I do/say?
Also, tonight, before this all goes down, I'm going to be deleting the app. I have no idea if I'll be grounded (I assume so) and no idea how long I'll be grounded for. I have both ends of a trade in the mail, you know who you are, if you don't receive I will compensate when I return.
Sounds like you just need to quit being lazy dude. I used to do the same thing, and then I realized that if I keep .loving. up the only person I'm going to hurt is future me. Maybe you do need to cut back on video games, at least until you get your sh💩t together. Honestly you can blame it on whatever you want, but I literally went through the exact same .poo., and the only one causing the problem was myself, this is coming from a guy who has a turbo Christian dad who is extremely strict and old school as hell. This might be harsh, but it's real. Just put on your big boy pants and fix yourself.
Don't say you need therapy, depression happens to many people but it's usually just a mental block. Just move forward and put distractions down
I'm a huge procrastinator as well man, but I have super strict parents so it works out. I don't really have any advice to give you, as I don't have the experience. But I can give you encouragement. You can do this, don't let this beat you. Prove it to yourself and your parents that you are better then this.
Quote from: MuggyWuggy on July 24, 2015, 10:57:44 PM
Don't say you need therapy, depression happens to many people but it's usually just a mental block. Just move forward and put distractions down
Therapy exists for a reason. If he feels he needs therapy, don't tell him not to use it.
Too many kids in suburbia end up on pills because they didn't want to suck it up.
Most kids need to suck it up and get off the internet. Not have someone you pay to diagnose you so you keep paying them to coddle you
I've been adhering to an hour of video games a day. When I get grounded I just find another escape. It is a matter of just getting stuff done but just not being able to bring myself there.
I used to be hardcore addicted to video games. I've moved on.
The chat went miles better than I thought. I'm not grounded. They understand. I'm going to see a therapist.
Quote from: LinkCelestrial on July 25, 2015, 12:50:32 AM
I've been adhering to an hour of video games a day. When I get grounded I just find another escape. It is a matter of just getting stuff done but just not being able to bring myself there.
I used to be hardcore addicted to video games. I've moved on.
The chat went miles better than I thought. I'm not grounded. They understand. I'm going to see a therapist.
That's really nice, after all that has happened.
Therapy can help you, if it's the right kind. If all they do is give you a label and pills, it's not gonna help. But maybe they can help you understand yourself. You say: I want to change, but I fail to do so. If you can get help breaking the patterns, that'd be great.
On deleting the app: I'm gonna miss you, should you decide to take a break. But won't you just find another escape? As I understand it, you replaced video games earlier, and you can keep yourself to a max. Wouldn't that be better?
To the people who say:" Just man up and do it", I'd like to say that sometimes it's harder than that. Some habits can be broken less easily, even if you want to.
As someone who has been molested, dealt with troubles with the law, divorced parents, physical and verbal abuse, had a parent who had a stroke when I was 7, had to provide for himself since 18 and much more drama: I can tell you sucking it up and moving forward is the best plan, I should have been a mass murderer with my dysfunctional statistics.
Link sounds like he sucked it up a little. Just do your work, don't avoid it.
I'm clean, the app shall stay. I just didn't want my parents digging around should anything go sideways.
To be honest the thought of being on pill for the rest of my life scares the .poo. out of me. But if that's what I need then what else am I going to do? It sounds like this therapist isn't a label and medicate kinda person. Which is good news.
Muggy, you're inspirational. Seriously, I had no idea.
Quote from: MuggyWuggy on July 25, 2015, 11:34:36 AM
As someone who has been molested, dealt with troubles with the law, divorced parents, physical and verbal abuse, had a parent who had a stroke when I was 7, had to provide for himself since 18 and much more drama: I can tell you sucking it up and moving forward is the best plan, I should have been a mass murderer with my dysfunctional statistics.
Link sounds like he sucked it up a little. Just do your work, don't avoid it.
Wow. That's heavy.
I'm glad you are such a strong person and have been able to suck it all up and come out swinging. (If I use that phrase correctly).
However, fact remains some people need some aid to get them on track.
Compare it with smoking:
I smoked, decided I didn't want to anymore, and practically quit just like that. Other people really want to, but crack up over it so bad, they relapse time and time again.
Would you tell them: just do it, I did it just like that so you can too?
This is not meant to crack on you, however, some people have stronger resolve then others. Sometimes you need a nudge from someone who is outside the situation, even though you might already know what he's telling you.