I've been with someone for a five year relationship, and over the course of this relationship We've been through a lot (the cheating, the money, the problems etc). In the past year I've moved across state for him and dumped a .poo. ton of money into the move. And recently, I said to him I want to move back... A response of " you don't really love me" was given! Since I'm many a miles away from family and friends and have no one to vent any of my feelings too, I've turned to drowning myself in skyrim and mtg. I wake up every day wondering if I'm in love or I'm just a victim of circumstance, and when ever I try to talk to my bf he changes the subject in to a vent of how his life sucks!?!?!??
His life consists of working 2-3 hrs a day while I work 80 a week to support "the life we built" (not an extravagant one mind you) ... He can go n but a set of clothes every week and not pay his portion of the rent then while wearing those clothes he bought he says I'm hungry but don't have ne money for food .love. YOU!
I really am just venting the feelings of whether to stay and deal or pack up and leave?
Sounds like an .rearexit. dump him asap dude doesn't deserve you apparently
This is a toxic relationship. I'm all for making things work so maybe you can try to sit down and say things need to change, give it a few weeks and go from there.
Does he seem like the stalker ex type? Cause I'm getting those vibes.
The bottom line is he doesn't deserve you. The relationship right now is you giving and him taking and that's not acceptable or healthy. From this sample of his attitude it doesn't sound like he's ready or willing to change. If you think it's worth it have a serious sit down. Otherwise get that toxicity out of your life.
Thank u both for listening and talking you both r amazing ppl don't forget that! I've been trying to talk with him but always ends with him venting of his life goals, dreams, problems... I take time to be able to talk and he doesn't want to give me that time... This is my first relationship to last longer than a week I'm just trying to have him understand my point he just runs from views
There is also two cats that are 4.5 yrs old which we got together n I can't just leave them nor will he let them go ... Then our mtg collection is mushed together there's over 100000 cards I'm not willing to split lol ( a bit selfish but I've paid for three quater of it)
I also don't want to see him fall bc of a decision I'm making ... After all I still am a good friend whose stood by him and reverse
Sell the collection, bounce and start a better life for you and your child. The father isn't going to grow up until he's down and out. You don't need two children to take care of.
Save yourself time, don't make this decision years down the line.
Change is good and the idea of permanence of a situation will cause change, you just can't stay in purgatory with him, it'll waste your time.
Speaking from first hand experience. You need to be able to exist as a person independent of him. He sounds just like someone I've spent a large part of my life dealing with. Someone who uses people as a means to his or her own end, and can find all the excuses in the world for why bad things happen to him or her.
At some point, he will have to face facts and address his situation through whatever way works (therapy, radical life changes, growing a pair, etc.) in the end, for you it's how soon that day will come. Don't let yourself fall into the trappings of trying to "do what's right." You should never have to pull 90% of the weight fiscally and emotionally in a relationship.
Muggy lol no children just two kitties lol gay men can't bear child yet lol
And thank u guys I've needed friends to talk with and while we all don't know each other personally I'm glad you guys took time to read and help in a way no one around me could love too you all I'll keep posted on my endeavor bc it seem like you care about one another
#imtgfamily
#imtgfamily is definently a thing
If he keeps flipping serious conversations into him venting that is a form of emotional abuse. You shouldn't put up with that.
If he's just going to let the cats go then he shouldn't care if you take them. Or if that's not practical make other arrangements for them.
Muggy's idea is probably the best. Each of you can keep stuff that's obviously yours and liquidate the rest to start new collections.
"I also don't want to see him fall because of a decision I'm making."
I can totally understand that. I have clung to broken relationships for similar reasons. This is grade A loyalty on your part and a shinning example of why you deserve so much better. You deserve someone who's willing to put the same amount of effort into your relationship as you are, and this is not the guy.
He has been putting himself first in your relationship. It's time for you to put yourself first. The best you can do is make it as painless as possible. Pick your battles when it comes to who gets what. You've already given him more than he deserves.
Just posting this here since it seems appropriate. http://datingasociopath.com/2013/06/08/the-sociopath-will-always-accuse-you-of-what-they-are-guilty-of-themself/
Interesting so I like playing control and I hate losing does that mean I'm crazy. Oh well better check myself into a insane asylum
So I'm telling him tmro and very nervous , but I'm getting to the point of needing a pill to sort through my mind and I'm not for that. I'm going to be blunt and to the point so that there is no way he can change the subject
Quote from: MommaB on June 10, 2015, 07:48:05 PM
So I'm telling him tmro and very nervous , but I'm getting to the point of needing a pill to sort through my mind and I'm not for that. I'm going to be blunt and to the point so that there is no way he can change the subject
Best of luck! Let us know how it goes.
So we have been arguing since Saturday ... And the conversation is that Ive not thought of his feelings or his situation, and that I'm just running away leaving him in a town so I don't have to be a man
"The cats are his" "everything in the house we bought" "your never going to happy again" "we spent five years together and this is how you treat me" ..... These are the less ranty versions of wat he was been screaming about
Every time I go to defend myself it goes like this:
Me: I sorry for causeing you pain but I'm not happy anymore
Him: your going to leave me stranded with nothing and your going to just leave me alone while I go through school but you can say with no intention to hurt me? Wat the .love. r u thinking I done everything for you and you just leave me .love. you
/he walks away/
Wtf???
I've paid for everything and everything in this house came from my pocket and he was done nothing for me besides empty my wallet and sex ... And a prostetute is cheaper then him so really
Seriously: sell collection and bounce.
Wasting your time sweety
I read that first paragraph, put down my iPod and angry paced around the house till I regained my composure.
This is emotional abuse. He is invalidating your pain by bitching about his. That's completely intolerable and you shouldn't have to put up with it.
Show him the pay check you're bringing home and compare it to his. Show him the stuff you bought and the rent you paid and tell him to get his head out of his ass and see THAT HE ISN'T PROVIDING .poo.! You are NOT going to carry his sorry ass. He sure as hell isn't going to tell you everything is his. THE .love. DID HE PAY FOR? WHAT HAS HE BEEN PROVIDING? If he still pulls the "this is mine, that is mine, blah blah" BULLSHIT then say fine. You can keep that. Now pay me back for the rent and food I've been providing and I'll be on my way. I feel very strongly that no competent judge/jury would look at this and award him .poo. (okay so the justice system is a little messed up and he'll get some stuff but show the paychecks and where the rent comes from and what he blows his money on and you'll have a damn fine case).
It sounds like you want to be reasonable. Make that clear. Also make it clear that if he isn't reasonable you have THE RIGHT (yeah, the right) to take what you like and walk out. I'd like to emphasize that /you are/ getting out. Unless he find Jesus (which he'd probably bullshit anyways) he is not coming around and he is not getting anymore chances. I'm your mother now, that's how it is. (Okay I'm not your mother I'm just saying this /needs/ to end.)
I'd like to say one more thing, be firm with him. You don't have to stoop to his level and get in screaming matches (but if you do I'm not judging. I'd be at that level already). But be firm. If you starts bitching about how it has impacted him/will impact him shut him the .love. down. You're the one that's leaving, you're the one HE (yeah it's his fault!) has driven to these levels. You have given him more than he deserves. If you hadn't you wouldn't be leaving.
If you don't think you can do that (I have faith on you) get a friend (I have Skype if needed) and practice. I'm not joking. You need to be serious and unwavering. It's your good nature that he has riden this far and it's time to stop.
"He has done nothing for me but empty my wallet and sex...and a prostitute is cheaper than him so really."
Pure. Gold. Seriously. If it goes to court say that. Write it in your "peace the .love. out" letter. Say it in your goodbye speech. Beautiful. I might end up using this in one of my books. Like, damn.
I have faith in you. Stay strong.
If you can't get through to him, sell the collection, get custody of the kittens (because he clearly can't sustain himself and two kittens), and get out. It's a toxic relationship that most likely won't end in something good. Drop him like he's hot, and bounce.
Heart goes out to you man.
The sad part is I don't want anything back that is of importance to him all I want is my grandfathers shelves my dragon collection my zoid collection my harrypotter collection ( very proud of the original American and British covers both hard and soft cover and the spines have never been broken) and cake things ... All bought before we meet and has no value on our relationship but he is fighting it bc the dragon collection alone is worth 40,000 (their a dimolished Hamilton collection line lol)
But he just doesn't understand I'm tired of everything and I'm not in love anymore
I've been re-reading that over and over, simultaniously deleting text to come up with a level headed response because it's getting kinda difficult with all the information presented.
First off, you have these items before the relationship, so no matter what he says, you should have the ability to take them from the house and leave as you please. You have full 'custody' (bad word but using it anyway) of these items, so you may do with them as you please.
Second off, any items that are bought within the relationship that you would want (ie the collection) is a little tougher. Granted you paid for the majority of it, it's still hard to pan out whose is whose. I suppose you could sell it, but I don't know the legal ramifications that could come with it if there are any (and I don't think there are. If someone could clarify if there are or not that would be great).
Third off, don't back ever back down from any of this. It sounds like he is trying to guilt you into staying, and/or doing a sort of power struggle. Trying to put you on the defensive. Get out of there fast with all the things you want is the best I can offer in advice.
Good luck with all of this mess.
Everything I wanted to say has been said. No way in hell he's getting that dragon collection.
I'm very orotund of that collection it took me 400 wedding cakes to afford the pieces to it lol it's amazing... I collect things lol n nerdier the better lol .....
You guys are amazing thank for listening to problems as I said no one really does.... He is calmed down now and talk able to know and wants to settle this cleanly. He also is five jäger bombs deep so he is not as hostile lol. He has already admitted that he over reacted and is a jerk so I'm ok (loosely used term) now.
He thinks that maybe if I moved home and we go on a break that it'd be better than killing the relationship we have... IM NOT STAYING WITH HIM but if I can get my stuff and cats out safely wo a fight then end things it's better than bashing his face in on the way out the door
I'm really glad to hear this. Best of luck.
I'm free!!!!!! And cats are safely with me!!!!!!!
Quote from: MommaB on July 06, 2015, 06:03:06 PM
I'm free!!!!!! And cats are safely with me!!!!!!!
VICTORY
Day = made!
So hype! :D
Quote from: MommaB on July 06, 2015, 06:03:06 PM
I'm free!!!!!! And cats are safely with me!!!!!!!
Happy for you!
I know it's a couple of weeks past, but lost track of threads... Bad excuse, but really happy for you!
So everyone on here who supported me and edged me on through what this time was I thank you and appreciate it so much
To catch you up, I am now dating a new boy his name is Austin and he is meeting momma for the first time tonight and I'm supppper excited and he is kind and very respectful of me and my things :)
Quote from: MommaB on April 16, 2016, 06:42:12 PM
So everyone on here who supported me and edged me on through what this time was I thank you and appreciate it so much
To catch you up, I am now dating a new boy his name is Austin and he is meeting momma for the first time tonight and I'm supppper excited and he is kind and very respectful of me and my things :)
Positive change. Nice work!
Congratulations! Best of wishes to the both you
Glad to hear it!
Awesome!
Yay
You are more than welcome.
Glad you've found somebody new. The best of luck to both of you!
Why was this moved here?
No idea. Makes literally no sense.
Maybe he thought it was a awesome pull for the pack of life lol
Lol. That'd do it.