Alrighty guys, I'm about to hit you with a lot of stuff that you probably don't care about but it's been tearing me up inside and I need some advice.
The Backstory
I'm a senior is high school and have a high degree of pseudo-popularity. I run varsity track/Cross Country(Even good enough to go to state in track!), above average grades, top 10 in my class, upstanding citizen that teachers like and such. Despite all of this I'm pretty beta, I guess. Never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, I held hands once, etc. I guess I'm just ugly. I have a few good friends, but not many, so I hold those that I have dearly. I've been friends with this girl for years and she is(was) probably my best friend. Which leads us to the situation.
The situation
While I like her a lot, our love is merely platonic, but I don't mind. We always spend time with each other, talk, etc. we even wrote each other hand written letters about life and such, as silly as it sounds. She would always tell me all of her boy problems and life problems because she trusted and confided in me. And I was always there for her. Recently her boyfriend broke up with her for whatever stupid reason and recruited me to make her move on because he knew we were good friends. I did not protest because I knew it would happen eventually as it had since 7th grade or so. In these periods of downtime between boyfriends she would become especially friendly to me, and then when she found a new man, go back to her normal 'I don't really talk to you' self. Anyway, it was especially hard on her because he began dating another girl soon after. That really screwed her up and she became attached to me more so than ever before. They knew this and teased me about it. But fast forward maybe a month and it turns out that he dates this new girl just to spite girl1 into hating him for some stupid reason, and now girl2 hates him. I wrote girl1 a letter about all of this( my feelings, why he broke up with her, my future, her future, and what other people thought of the situation) and she took it completely the wrong way. She wrote me a letter saying things like "Sorry I trusted you and that falls under the definition of crutch" and "it would be best if I removed myself from your life entirely". I talked to girl2 about it and she thought the whole thing was stupid and that he was still playing Mind games with girl1. Somehow, he heard of this and told girl1 that I was just furious at her. Screaming at her and cursing her name, which is entirely untrue( if you know me, you have to reaaalllllyyyy piss me off to make me show anger). But she believes him and him alone. I told her we need to talk one-on-one, but she won't listen
The verdict.
Because of what I said and he told her, she hates me now. She avoids me and will no longer talk to me, and she's all lovey-dovey buddies with her ex again, even after all he's done. This whole thing has made me depressed. I can't sleep, I have no drive, no will, and no desire to do anything anymore. Which brings us to the question, what do? Do I abandon my best friend because of some stupid high school drama? Or... Anything else? You all probably don't care and are very confused by all of this, but I just need some advice.
Feel free to ask questions if you have them
Regards- Novus
Quote from: Taysby on November 04, 2014, 11:59:48 PM
So you are still in 7th-ish grade, correct?
It looks to me like this is just one large unhealthy situation for you. I'd recommend talking to both of them 1 more time to try and get this conflict resolved, because she is your friend. If that doesn't work, there is nothing you can do in this situation. It's something they would have to work out themselves, so you'd be best to move on and find different friends until that whole thing calms down. There is no need to be involved in the dating game this early. It actually makes your life a lot funner if you don't have to deal with all of that drama, so don't feel bad.
"Since 7th grade"
I know it's tough but I'd say ignore her she turned on you (and is being very unreasonable about it).
It will be hard but you'll be better off. Go out and meet new friends and let her realize that she's missing an awesome fella like you :)
Nobody that plays magic is ugly.
Also, pseudo-popularity? You believe you're popular when you're not..?
Sounds like that ex boyfriend of hers is being a manipulative little .poo..
Yeah, it's a bit of highschool drama, but that doesn't mean it's just "okay whatever forget about it," right? Sounds like you value your friendship with this girl, so I'd say for the sake if that friendship, it's worth trying to reason with her.
Give her a little time to cool off first. Even if what she's mad about is all lies, there's no point in dousing an inferno with a wet blanket. Once she's willing to have a calm conversation with you, just sit down and be honest. Let her know what the friendship means to you, and explain that you never meant to offend her or hurt her feelings. If you, let her know what lies she was told about you or what you said, but do it without accusing or talking down the douchey ex. If she still likes him, she'll stand by/up for him even if he's full of crap.
If it doesn't work, nothing gets worse, and at least you can move on knowing you did everything you could, and you tried.
How many people am I still in contact with from high school? 1, but that is because she is like the little sister I never had. Other than that, there is no reason to keep in touch with any of those people.
Think of it this way. In high school, your life is basically like a perimecium under a microscope slide. You're really only aware of what is around you. In college, your world grows and with it, your relationships do. Once you step out into the real world, everything changes.
Also, from my perspective and experiences in high school (I was very similar to you), girls were very fickle creatures. One year they hate your guts, the next year they come to you for everything.
My advice: Let it be. If she is really about drama, nothing good will come about it. High school drama in the long run is not important. If she really misses your friendship and advice, she will see the error of her ways and come back around. But in reality, unless you both are going to the same college or staying in the same area, it really isn't worth it to be involved in this. But I also know that you can't help what you feel.
Quote from: gtfotis on November 05, 2014, 01:38:59 AM
Nobody that plays magic is ugly.
Also, pseudo-popularity? You believe you're popular when you're not..?
Yeah, sort of. People don't mind talking to me in school and such, but outside of school is a no-no
You may be a beta but he's a stigma. What's worse?
Thanks for all of the advice guys. I want her to know that he's playing her like a fool, but she won't listen to reason. Hopefully she will come around and we can continue to be friends, and I can end this year on a high note.
Honestly, I dealt with a lot of what you did. It is all high school drama, if she won't listen it's not worth it, I understand that cutting ties is hard but it will only better you in the end. What seems like friends in high school seem to just cause more issues...
It's high school. Forget about it.
Quote from: MuggyWuggy on November 06, 2014, 11:25:03 AM
It's high school. Forget about it.
Seriously. By this time next year you'll be hanging out with college girls and you'll realize how petty this whole thing is.
Quote from: Langku on November 10, 2014, 11:35:50 AM
Quote from: MuggyWuggy on November 06, 2014, 11:25:03 AM
It's high school. Forget about it.
Seriously. By this time next year you'll be hanging out with college girls and you'll realize how petty this whole thing is.
So so so TRUE!! ^^
Then u be like "wut do I do: so many ladies like me"
I can somewhat understand your situation. Here's the deal, if you're like me (and it sounds like you are) you have very few real friends so you've become extremely invested in the ones you do have. So when something like this happens and your ties are severed it rocks your world. I become way too emotionally invested in others and it's simply because I don't really have anything else to be emotionally invested in.
So here's the deal, if she truly values your friendship and is a good friend she'll come around, then you can explain the truth to her. (Make sure it's the truth, leave out opinion as much as humanly possible.) This may take days, weeks, months. But if it never happens then you need to let it go.
My best friend (male, no romantic interest from either party, we are both very straight thank you.) moved away. Shortly after he wouldn't return my texts or phone calls, until days latter and he'd always come up with a lame excuse. Every time we made plans they'd be canceled last minute because he was hanging out with somebody else. It hurt, alot. I kept trying to fix it but eventually I had to let it go. And pretty much right after I met my current best friend.
Of course my situation is different, there isn't some slandering explicit screwing me over. But the basic principal remains, wait for her to come around. If she doesn't let her go. You are not gaining anything by falling apart over this, and at this rate she doesn't even care.
Now I'm going to share something harsh with you. Even if she does come back around, and you two do end up together, the odds of it working out in the end are so slim that I would bet money that you'd end up in the same basic position as now. Think about it, if you were with her would you be on the path to marrying her? I doubt it, in which case at some point the two of you would break up. Would your relationship survive that? Not if she believes some slandering jerk over you. In my personal opinion, if you feel as strongly as you do, the best option is to wait and stay in touch. Wait until you're both older and more mature and you can look back on this situation and see how silly it was. Then when you're ready to settle down, if she's still around, go for it.
Of course everything I've just said is my opinion and you may do with it what you will. Hope at least part of it was helpful.
She's finally talking to me again after all of this. She's know I wasn't trying to be in a relationship with her, I knew she didn't like me, but her puppet master tells her otherwise. He manipulates her bad, man. She's telling me now how the stress is killing her, making her nose bleed and causing her to be sick. She said she barely eats and her blood pressure is going bad. She's constantly talking to him and clinging to him in class and outside of school. I keep telling her that he's going to continue hurting her and using her, and she knows he is, but she won't let him go.
I'm worried for her guys. She's losing it.
Tbh it's scary and those are some alarming signs but what can you do other than tell the school psychiatrist?
Quote from: Mattao19 on November 10, 2014, 08:07:30 PM
Tbh it's scary and those are some alarming signs but what can you do other than tell the school psychiatrist?
Small school, we don't have one. We have a counselor, but she's for colleges and careers.
A teacher you're close with?
Quote from: Mattao19 on November 10, 2014, 08:14:25 PM
A teacher you're close with?
I'll see what I can do, but nothing will probably change until she accepts the fact that he's using her and if she lets him go it won't be the end of the world.
Might sound messed up, but sometimes girls just have to learn the hard way. You can tell her these things, but she won't realize how much it affects her. Sometimes leaving it be is the best thing.