Okay so it's been about 2 months since I left my cheating girlfriend, well I found out last week that the whole 22 months she was sleeping with this guy, and yes ill admit, I told a couple of people and it spread like wildfire at my school, well she had 2 of her friends message me telling me to stop spreading it, well I replied "if she has a problem, she can talk to me and not hide like the...." And it got pretty nasty, well today as I got off the bus, her new boyfriend (the guy she cheated on me with) and his friend were there waiting for me. He was shoving me and trying to get me to hit him, well I walked away... I left, I'm not the most muscular guy in the world but he is half my size, height and weight. Did I do the right thing or should I have kicked his butt?
You did the right thing. Kicking the .poo. out of a guy half your size doesn't make you strong or tough or whatever. Even if he was urging you to do it. I believe that if he was truly pissed about it, you wouldn't be the one to have to start the fight. He's just trying to make himself look stronger. I'm a naturally non-violent person, and I really don't understand all the violence and the need to physically fight. I've always found that it is just better to ignore 'em.
And besides, how can she say you're the one starting things if she cheated on you for that long? I hate that. Someone does something like that, then gets pissed and tries to get the other person beat up for something of much less impact.
I figure I have the right to tell people that she cheated, she did it after all...
Quote from: Missingkirby34 on May 03, 2013, 05:02:03 PM
I figure I have the right to tell people that she cheated, she did it after all...
I'd feel the same way! If she didn't want to own up to it, she shouldn't have done it!
Quote from: Silent1236 on May 03, 2013, 05:04:05 PM
Quote from: Missingkirby34 on May 03, 2013, 05:02:03 PM
I figure I have the right to tell people that she cheated, she did it after all...
I'd feel the same way! If she didn't want to own up to it, she shouldn't have done it!
Amen! And the best part was I had a 5 pound ceramic project in my hand
Great choice not to beat him up!
Hes trying to either a) satisfy his napolean complex or b) get you to swing first and thus get you in trouble. Either way, push him off you and continue on your way, dont fight unless provoked(as in you are physically threatened). People like that will just get hit to sue your ass, make sure hes threatened you. Let him swing, block it, and jaw him if anything.
Quote from: Missingkirby34 on May 03, 2013, 04:52:47 PMI found out last week that the whole 22 months she was sleeping with this guy
Are you sure?
I'm very passive aggressive, I'll only fight someone if they hit me (or attempt to hit me) first, or if I'm in a dangerous situation. I was raised that way. I honestly think you did the right thing, especially if he's smaller than you. Let the duo be stupid. Sure you may have told a few people about her bad choices, but she honestly provoked that by doing what she did. Don't sweat it.
You definitely did the right thing in walking away, I'm proud if you for it.
I've been there, being cheated on sucks the big one, and I understand how high the emotions get strung. You did well in controlling yourself.
Yah, you did the right thing by walking away. Getting hit in the face sucks so bad, and fighting her now boyfriend shows that you still have feelings for her. Don't give her that.
I've been in a handful of scuffles in my younger days. Looking back on it, it was all stupid and trivial. I don't put myself in those situations anymore, and if it does happen, I know how to walk away.
I was punched in the face before not because of anything like this, but because he hated me in general, and people were asking me why I didn't fight back, not fighting is a good option. It might hurt you, but it will show that they're scared of you
Stay {Pacifist} (someone had to)
Quote from: Piotr on May 03, 2013, 05:25:55 PM
Quote from: Missingkirby34 on May 03, 2013, 04:52:47 PMI found out last week that the whole 22 months she was sleeping with this guy
Are you sure?
Whether or not your evidence is concrete you should stop the letting everyone know. That shame will not only follow her, but may linger on you if you hold onto it. It will seem petty after a certain point.
You did the right thing, they sound like awful people who are going to cheat on one another. Let karma give them theirs.
Plenty of people out there for you to seek connection with over your life
Quote from: bravado883 on May 03, 2013, 05:59:45 PM
I think you did the right thing by not fighting. Situations like these can get way out of hand really fast, so choosing to break the cycle is often the best course of action. That being said, going forward, I think you probably should stop talking about this girl to other people. It does nothing to ease your pain; in fact, quite the opposite. The longer you involve yourself with this girl and the people around her, the longer it will take to separate yourself from the situation. I mean, if you have a buddy that says he's in love with her you can discuss what happened to you and explain why she might now be the best girl for someone looking for a relationship, but there's no reason to "spread" the story, if that is indeed what you're doing.
Sorry man, relationships can be the best thing in the world, but they can be the worst too. I hope it all works out for you man!
Thanks! All I was doing was venting to some of my friends about her and someone else must have heard and spread it around. I also... As big a douche bag her new guy is, don't think that he, or anyone ever deserves to feel the same way I felt after I found out, being cheated on sucks.
Quote from: Piotr on May 03, 2013, 05:25:55 PM
Quote from: Missingkirby34 on May 03, 2013, 04:52:47 PMI found out last week that the whole 22 months she was sleeping with this guy
Are you sure?
Okay... Maybe not the whole time but for atleast 14 months, one of her friends (they hate eachother now) was clearing out messages and saw older messages from her....
Quote from: Missingkirby34 on May 03, 2013, 07:46:13 PM
Quote from: Piotr on May 03, 2013, 05:25:55 PM
Quote from: Missingkirby34 on May 03, 2013, 04:52:47 PMI found out last week that the whole 22 months she was sleeping with this guy
Are you sure?
Okay... Maybe not the whole time but for atleast 14 months, one of her friends (they hate eachother now) was clearing out messages and saw older messages from her....
If they hate each other, the ex friend is not a very reliable witness. Have you seen these messages?
Monopolisation of justice is a very very stupid rule. He was there on the spot, twice as big as the other guy. If justice had to be dealt, he should have done it himself on the spot, rather than cover behind the corrupt justice system and waste taxpayers money.
Best thing to do is laugh about the entire thing, you're no longer involved and past and above the whole thing. But food for thought, just imagine how paranoid the other guy must be right now, he knows what she'll do.
Spreading that about her wasn't the right thing. All it will do is make it so you can never be friends again. What if down the road, when she was more mature she would have apologized for cheating, an generally felt bad about it? It's happened to me that way before. People grow up and mature. But the more you spread this, the bigger rift you create. What if she becomes your boss someday? Or someday you need a favor from her and she doesn't awnser because you spread something nasty about her in your teen years?
Quote from: KangaRod on May 04, 2013, 07:15:38 PM
In a country where there is statistically a 90% chance the person you are thinking about pushing has access to a firearm I would recommend against using an escalation of force.
There is a lot of peopimals out there just like Piotr that believe they are some how above the law, and won't hesitate to push you back harder if you push them.
Are you saying its against the law to defend yourself when threatened?
I absolutely agree that the best thing to do is to walk away, and do what you can to avoid the fight. However, as a martial artist (and in general) I also believe you have the right to defend yourself, if you truly feel you are in danger. I will take all measures necessary to avoid a fight, but if the aggressor is persistent, am I going to sit back while he eats me up? Absolutely not.
Walking away is the better option, if possible. But once that's no longer an option, you absolutely have the right to defend yourself. There's nothing "above the law" about that.
I think the policy are hardly an option in a self defense situation. If someone is standing there pounding your face in, do you think they're just going to let you pull your cell phone out, call the cops, and then wait there for the cops to come deal with it? No way, that's absurd.
The fact is, if there are cops around, they probably won't pick a fight with you. And if there aren't cops around, they won't be dumb enough to let you get them, and wait for justice to be served. Not to look down on cops, but honestly, they're hardly ever there in these situations.
I've never heard a story claiming "Yeah, this guy was tearing into me, so I politely told him to stop for a minute, which he did. I. Pulled out my cell phone, and called the cops. The guy was fine with this, and just sat there until the cops came, and they hauled him off."
And as for training, I have been trained to defend myself (and have seen the training policemen go through, which was pretty cool). Does that not make me qualified?
Quote from: KangaRod on May 05, 2013, 06:19:01 AM
As absurd as it is, picking up your cell phone and dialing 9-11 after someone pushes you generally won't result in them striking you in the face, much as striking them in the face more than likely would... Wouldn't you agree?
I can see the point here, but there's a couple things I disagree with. First, I hardly think calling the cops because someone pushed you is reasonable. That's seems like a major overreaction. There have been plenty of times where someone pushed me, and I asked them to back off. One of two things happened; they backed off, or their aggression continued. If they are aggressive, they'll probably hit you the moment you whip your phone out, and not give you the chance to call someone for help. What happens then?
Now, I'm walking down the street, and I see someone with a weapon beating someone up, my options will likely be somewhat different. In this case, sure, I'd call the cops, and then is do what I can do disarm the person, and then let them take it from there.
There's certainly a time to call the police. However, getting pushed isn't the time (as I've stated, even if you do threaten, they'll probably knock the phone out if your hands, to maintain control over you), and the time certainly isn't when you're already in the confrontation, as I was trying to express.
How come you can get charged with aggravated assault? Also kanga, your missing the point of what I was trying to say
Piss her off now, you may regret it later on
Quote from: KangaRod on May 05, 2013, 08:58:24 AM
As I said, the only way that I believe is a healthy way to approach a situation is in your head to believe that physical violence is the absolute worst case scenario for both you and the other person.
I think you'd be surprised what happens when people hit you and you just grab them and tell them they need to stop.
First off, this happens to people who aren't prepared to use force themselves. People who are aggressive want to take control of the situation, whether it not they psysiologically think you're ready to fight or not. They want to dominate, plain and simple.
I agree, fighting is not the best way to go. I said it multiple times in my previous posts, walking away is the better option. It's when walking away is no longer an option, you can't rely on outside forces to defend yourself all the time.
And no, I wouldn't be surprised how often people back off when you tell them to stop. Don't make me out to be a savage, I avoid fights at all costs, but I won't be a pushover if someone is persistent, and I feel threatened. I'm very proud to say I've avoided far more fights than I've actually been in.
Of course fighting is an option. Running is also an option, yelling at the guy in Russian is an option, hell, sitting down and eating food in front of the aggressor is an option. There's tons of options, but I have to choose the one that benefits me the most.
When there's a guy who's 250 pounds of steroid infused muscle, that wants nothing more than to assert his physical strength upon me, I hardly have options. If I can avoid the fight, I certainly will. I love nothing more than peaceful confrontations. But when I'm on the ground, and he's now drilling into my bloodied head with his fists, I'm supposed to tell myself "no, I can't defend myself"? If he starts hitting me, I'm going to fight back. I prefer a "three strikes" system. At that point, hes being overly aggressive, and I will take measures to stop it. If he falls to the ground, or runs away, or asks for me stop to, then I stop.
I'm not some bloodthirsty savage that hopes for people to start crap with me, just for the sake of fighting. Defending myself is the worst case scenario, but it is a possibility. When someone starts getting cofrontational, my thoughts aren't "Awesome! If he keeps this up, maybe I can punch him!" My thoughts are "I need to resolve this peacefully, so nobody gets hurt."
If he ends up striking me, I can only tell him to stop so many times before it becomes pointless, and I need to make sure I'm not in danger. The idea is to defend myself as a deterrent, not as a way of saying "leave me alone, because I can kick your ass." Any martial artist who lives by the latter statement is abusing his knowledge, and lowering himself as a person.
With physical situations the best thing to do is neutralize the aggressor. Sometimes that may
Include using force that may result in pain
So is the circle of life
🎵Why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends, why can't we be frieeeends🎵
Okay so to clarify, I have seen the messages, and I don't ever want her back in my life, she messed this one up. The one reason I'm telling people is because I don't ever want one of my friends to feel the pain I felt. And yes her current boyfriend is the guy she was sleeping with while we were dating
To each their own. I will try to peacefully resolve a confrontation up to the point when they try actually hitting me. At they point it becomes physical and there are only three things you can do. Run, fight and sit there and take it. Each option has its +s and -s. Run is an option best used in a one time situation where your adversary doesn't have a gun and it will end there. Fighting is the next option if fleeing isn't going to work. Sitting there and taking it is best used in public where you want to humiliate your adversary or if you think you can still get him to back off.
Saying that fighting is never an option is great for school or bars where it isn't likely to end in you dead. Once that is on the table it becomes stupid to take a beating. Preparing for this is not looking for a fight and doesn't prevent you from trying many times to leave without hitting back. You do stand a much better chance of coming out alive if your life does come into question.
Quote from: KangaRod on May 05, 2013, 04:54:19 PM
You don't seem to be understanding what I am saying.
The only way to ensure that violence is the last option (not your third strike rule) is to take it off the table. Eject it from your brain. Ensure that it is not even there. You cannot even be thinking about it.
Having a three strike rule means you are preparing for a fight.
Believing that you have a right to defend yourself means you are preparing for a fight.
As I said, it's not fair to call the last option an option if it really is the last one. Then it's just the way.
To ensure its the last option, I have to erase it as an option? This is your logic?
This is not the only way to ensure violence is the last option. I offer myself as living proof. I have actually waited until someone tackled me to the ground. Are you saying that fighting should have been erased from my mind? If I hadn't set a limit, and used your logic, I might have ended up in the hospital.
Without establishing what's "acceptable" and what isn't, as far as defending yourself, you might as well just lay down take it.
I understand what you're saying, but in order for it to be an option it has to be on your mind. Otherwise it would be some sort of arbitrary action. On top of that, you're telling a martial artist to not think about defending himself when someone starts physically assaulting him. That's not going to happen ;)
I wasn't saying take her back. I was saying don't make things worse than try already are
Quote from: KangaRod on May 05, 2013, 09:40:35 PM
How did you end up in a situation where someone football tackled you to the ground?
A random stranger ran up behind you with out knowing you or without you seeing I assume?
It was actually a friend of mine a while back. We had a disagreement, and he wanted to fight. I tried walking away and calming him down, but he wouldn't stop. The guy tackled me, and started going at my face, and I had to defend myself. It was either protect myself, or potentially end up in the hospital. As soon as he started submitting, I backed off and apologized. I felt bad, but hey, it's a scary thing when your brain is telling you "Hey, if you don't fight back, you might not come out of this."
I'm very passive, and I'm big in general, and try to be friendly, so I almost never get into a fight, I only would if someone were to actually come at me, I'd never go at them, but take a swing at me and see just how aggressive I can be.
Quote from: IceScythe on May 05, 2013, 09:59:37 PM
I'm very passive, and I'm big in general, and try to be friendly, so I almost never get into a fight, I only would if someone were to actually come at me, I'd never go at them, but take a swing at me and see just how aggressive I can be.
We seem to agree on one thing. Never thought I'd say that.
Instead of going into something prepared to fight, rather just be aware beforehand of fight or flight; it is overt behavior that is instintanous, and without thought.
Quote from: KangaRod on May 05, 2013, 04:54:19 PM
You don't seem to be understanding what I am saying.
The only way to ensure that violence is the last option (not your third strike rule) is to take it off the table. Eject it from your brain. Ensure that it is not even there. You cannot even be thinking about it.
Having a three strike rule means you are preparing for a fight.
Believing that you have a right to defend yourself means you are preparing for a fight.
As I said, it's not fair to call the last option an option if it really is the last one. Then it's just the way.
Youre basically saying be ignorant of the fact that nt everyone is against fighting.. Is how im interpretting your statement. Be willfully ignorant of facts of life. People will get physical, if its possible youll get punched, you SHOULD be ready for a fight... Why would you let him take you by surprise and pulverize you? Thats an awful idea..
Personally I'm completely against violence. I've never understood the need for it. Ever. But can I fight? Yes. I'm a rather skinny individual so people have pushed me and such but I have prepared myself for if anyone ever throws a punch. My brother was in wrestling and such and taught me ways to avoid getting struck. Do I ever want to have to put someone in a Russian arm bar? No. But it's better to be prepared than if the fight escalates you have no idea how to make it end with or without force. I think it was great you walked away instead of putting him flat on his ass. But should someone know how to defend themselves should it come to that? Absolutely.
I have always wanted to learn things such as judo where you don't ever have to strike someone to defend yourself. Simply so I Can defend myself. I don't ever want to defend myself but it's nice knowing i can feel safe. Right?
I agree that walking away is the best course of action you had. That being said I would have to respectfully disagree with kanga. I'm 24 years old and I've been in numerous fights. Each one involved me tryin to physically walk away. When the aggressor makes it known that walking away isn't going to solve the issue I believe 100% that you should be prepared to defend yourself. I've never thrown the first swing in a fight, yet I've never lost a fight. I've always been able to keep a cool head and in doing so it gave me an advantage. It also makes it easy for me to stop. I'm not one to pummel someone regardless of whether they instigated to fight or not. I get where your coming from kanga but let me ask you this, have you ever been attacked by a person who isn't in control of their own emotions? If you have and you followed what your previous posts state then I guarantee you most likely ended up in the hospital. Most people lose it in a fight and go somewhat crazy...which is why you see so many fights end with one person being dragged off the other.
Another thing. I was in a confrontation a few years ago where I was assaulted by two guys (whom I didn't know and they apparently thought I was someone else). They tried to tackle me from behind but instead of taking me to the ground they slammed me into my car. When I got out of the tacklers grip I turned around to see who I was facing and before I even saw a face I was getting hit. So I did what any rational human being would do. I defended myself. Long story short I knocked the one guy out and had the other one pinned to the ground. Thankfully the store clerk saw the whole thing happen and had called the police when it first started. When the police arrived they searched the two guys and found a knife on each of them. Now my question is kanga did I do the right thing or should I have let them pummel me and possibly stab me to death because fighting isn't an option? I ended up with a broken nose a few fractured ribs and a fractured wrist but the outcome could've been much worse had i just layed down and taken the beating. The simple sad fact of life is that fighting can't always be avoided.
It may be just me, but im not gonna say that i wouldnt retaliate. I would have beat the living hell out of that little .love.er
You are better off without the cheating pirate-hooker. What is there to fight about? Keep your chin up and smile about the fact that she blew her ONLY chance with you and you deserve better. Good for you for walking away. What he was doing was all show. If he wanted to fight he'd have hit you. But again, who in their right mind would fight over a cheating pirate-hooker? Save your aggression for fighting the good fight. You did the right thing. Now allow yourself to move on.
I've only been in one fight my entir life.... I left a... Lasting reputation... If you ever fight, make sure that no one is ever going to want to fight you ever again. I'd recommend systema ;)
One benefit if being a tall guy is it dissuaded a lot of altercations😀. More effective than that, I believe, is preempting the need for confrontation. For instance, I don't head out to the bar during rodeo days (or at all, actually), I treat potentially violent folks with guarded kindness, and I do whatever it takes to diffuse a situation. Most angry people simply want someone to validate their fruatration and letting them say their piece empties their drive for violence. If someone's going to get hurt, I am glad to step in and use force to prevent harm. That's the only time though.