I know I said I was on a break, but this week my grandmother had knee surgery, and on the same I broke up with my girlfriend of 22 months, and the next day when I went to get my stuff she admitted she had cheated on me.....I'm ruined right now, and I need help. The best way I could think of getting advice is through this app, you guys have helped me many times, and now I need it most... The one thing I pull from our relationship is the fact that I lost my virginity to a cheater... I can't stop wondering if through the past 22 months she has lied about how she felt for me... I don't want revenge, I'm not that kind of person, I just need to get over her.... It feels like if I move on I lose a significant chunk of my life, and something keeps telling me to forgive her, I know that I never could, she has hit me deep this time. I don't ever see myself forgiving her. I also have a folder full of notes she had written me and I don't know what to do with them, I don't know how much of it is true.... I just... I loved her...
Edit; I'm also looking for any good hard/alternative rock songs to listen to that might help me get through this, so far I've been listening to "my black Delilah" by Hollywood undead and lots of Egypt Central
Been there brother, know how that hurts.
But the number one ingredient to any successful relationship is trust.
I for one hate cheaters. No good in my books. So as much as you don't want to hear it at the moment, you're better off.
Took me two years to realize that after me and my ex split.
I could throw every cliche in the book at you and it wouldn't do a thing.
Gotta find happiness yourself.
Just do your best not to dwell and wallow in it. Saying that though, don't bottle it up. Embrace what has happened, accept that life can sometimes suck. Don't ever regret those 22 months. Then when you're ready (don't let two years pass you by like me), go kick life in the face.
And if all else fails, just use my mantra when life craps on you;
"Could be worse"
Because it always can
Keep your head up
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
-Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Character is shown through adversity.
That is a really crappy turn of events, but I say to you: dont let your past dictate your future. Take it at face value and learn from it. Dwelling on it right now isn't going to make tomorrow any better. It might sound silly, but seriously live each day for a better tomorrow (which she clearly wont be a part of).
What the funk! Hehe. Is this the same girl that you have problems with her old folks? The best thing to do is stick to your friends right now. You will be needing company and advice and a lot of it. Happened to me before and hurts so much I think im going to be insane. focus on a lot of other things.
I have a pretty stern stance on people cheating. If she didnt have the common decency to break up with you before she messed around with someone else, then you're much better off. Yah I know its painful since she was your first, but trust me, you're setting yourself up for disappointment giving her another chance.
About the notes: BURN THEM. It might make you feel better and if you do decide to move on, you won't have them to read and cause you to second guess your decision.
Tl;dr You were exclusive to her and she didnt return it. Sounds like youre a better person than her. Just move on.
Quote from: Hays413 on March 13, 2013, 08:36:20 PM
Been there brother, know how that hurts.
But the number one ingredient to any successful relationship is trust.
I for one hate cheaters. No good in my books. So as much as you don't want to hear it at the moment, you're better off.
Took me two years to realize that after me and my ex split.
I could throw every cliche in the book at you and it wouldn't do a thing.
Gotta find happiness yourself.
Just do your best not to dwell and wallow in it. Saying that though, don't bottle it up. Embrace what has happened, accept that life can sometimes suck. Don't ever regret those 22 months. Then when you're ready (don't let two years pass you by like me), go kick life in the face.
And if all else fails, just use my mantra when life craps on you;
"Could be worse"
Because it always can
Keep your head up
Damn.... That's the best thing I've heard in a long time, +1, and a thank you, I don't know how I feel, I want to cry... But I can't, I'm glad I left when I did, but I still have to see her everyday, we do go to the same school and hell we even ride the same bus. It kills me to see her. The first thing I felt when she told me was anger, for the immature excuse of a person she cheated on me with, then I found out she came on to him, and than I realized, he wasn't in a relationship at the time... But him and I used to be best friends... You'd think he would have some respect...
Also remember that forgiveness does not mean forgetting. It's letting go of the resentment and pain that this situation has caused. Not holding a grudge against the person, and allowing yourself to move past it. On to new adventures, rather than getting stuck at this point in your life and letting it bury you.
Make sure you give yourself opportunity to grieve the loss of such a relationship, just don't get stuck there. You will end up bitter. (Trust me on this)
All the best! I think I'm correct when I say that you are still pretty young? So remember there's plenty more life yet to live! :) go get em tiger!
Thanks wall-e and yeah Ill be 16 in 13 days.
Thanks to everyone for all the advice, it really is helping, I'm glad good people still exist.
Quote from: Kaleo42 on March 13, 2013, 08:37:55 PM
It might sound silly, but seriously live each day for a better tomorrow (which she clearly wont be a part of).
This. When my ex and I broke up, I kept thinking about the past and what could have happened differently. I eventually realized that as long as I try to make each day better than the last, it got easier. However, I'm not saying it
is easy, but as long as you don't dwell, it does get easier. I even found later that I enjoy being single. You're young, you've got your whole life ahead of you. Just keep your head up :)
Also, as a proud member of "He-Man Woman Haters Club" I am pleased to extend an offer of membership.
(Relax everybody, Little Rascals reference)
Quote from: Hays413 on March 13, 2013, 08:49:43 PM
Also, as a proud member of "He-Man Woman Haters Club" I am pleased to extend an offer of membership.
(Relax everybody, Little Rascals reference)
And here I thought it was a reference to the song by Extreme 'he man woman hater'
All I can say is thank you, thank for letting me vent and thank you for all the great advice! I felt like I was missing something since the break up, and you all made me realize that what I was looking for is people who care, I know I may not know any of you in person (although maybe I do) I still feel like you are all here for me when I need it. Thank you. You don't know how much it means to me. If anyone ever needs any help, just let me know, I will be here like you are for me. Thank you again. I really needed to be pulled out of this fog. And like my neighbor said "hey at least you got some." She opened my eyes, now I know how crucial trust is. From now on I'm going to be a new person, I'm going to make her regret losing me.
And the only reason I ever considered keeping all the notes is because it was 22 months of my high school life. If anything I'd more than likely put them all up in my room so that when I move out I can look back at this, it may not be a memory I want to look back on, but she was my first and ill always have a connection to her in that way. The day I left her I sat down and read them all, and I felt numb inside. I didn't feel sadness, regret, anger or anything. I just felt numb. I didn't shed a single tear over her, I know I can do better. As much as it hurts me I'm trying to stay positive for my grandma, she has enough going on without having to worry about me. I'm never going to be that ignorant or naive ever again. I've learned that if a girl would lie to her parents she will lie to her boyfriend. The worst part about being lied to is knowing you were not worth the truth.
I have absolutely no respect for cheaters, loyalty is very important to me, a betrayal of loyalty will never be forgiven and basically cheaters deserve every horrible thing that happens to them for the rest of their life (can you tell who else had a cheating *enter colourful profanity here* of a girlfriend?) on the upside at least she had enough respect for you to tell you herself as opposed to you finding out through someone else
Edit: as for songs, I'm not sure about you but the game by disturbed is good for me
I believe I explained this in another thread awhile back. To sum it up best I can; you are a human being that is capable of experiencing everything only the way that you can. Given that notion, you're also the only one capable of feeling "pain", being "upset" and having your heart broken.
The best advice I could give any sentient creature is - you've also already experienced it. Meaning you've been happy with her before, in the past. You've had good times, bad times, emotional moments. Live moves, it's always moving. From the Big Bang till this very moment. 13 billion years until this very day, and you're here and alive.
You can't change people's minds, you cannot undo what has been done. If you come to terms with the fact that you had a good time, and you enjoyed it until something bad happened - what else is within your power to do about it? Enjoy the good times, everything ends, the universe keeps moving. The same idea applies to your ex.
Glad I'm not the one to keep their cheating ex's notes in a box..haha
Quote from: Boyesrobert on March 14, 2013, 08:56:03 AM
Glad I'm not the one to keep their cheating ex's notes in a box..haha
Huh?
After me and my ex broke up, I when to a mates, and played magic for hours that helped, as a I played me and my mates just talked about past relationships and how I was taking it all, letting all feelings out, and it been 9 days, and I'm almost over it,
I'm sorry man it sucks when that happens. I'm not really good at giving advice so don't expect a speech from me :P
Just keep your head up and keep moving forward.
What Revils said. Be with people you care about and who care for you. If you're religious, pray. If you're not, focus on something that uplifts you (walking with a friend is great therapy). It's hurting now but don't hurt alone.
Been there dude. 2 and a half years on and off. Lost it to her and everything. Part of you wants to hate their guts and the other wants to forgive and forget. Best thing to do is take as much time away from her as possible to clear your head and get your perceptions straight. After we broke up, it took me like the same amount of time that I dated my ex to figure out that she was no good for me, and just wanted all sorts of the wrong attention. I have completely stopped communicating with her. U might not have the same end result that I had. Things definitely get better dude. Just keep being positive and try to use your best judgement when dealing with deceitful and unfaithful people.
Quote from: Missingkirby34 on March 13, 2013, 08:26:19 PM
I know I said I was on a break, but this week my grandmother had knee surgery, and on the same I broke up with my girlfriend of 22 months, and the next day when I went to get my stuff she admitted she had cheated on me.....I'm ruined right now, and I need help. The best way I could think of getting advice is through this app, you guys have helped me many times, and now I need it most... The one thing I pull from our relationship is the fact that I lost my virginity to a cheater... I can't stop wondering if through the past 22 months she has lied about how she felt for me... I don't want revenge, I'm not that kind of person, I just need to get over her.... It feels like if I move on I lose a significant chunk of my life, and something keeps telling me to forgive her, I know that I never could, she has hit me deep this time. I don't ever see myself forgiving her. I also have a folder full of notes she had written me and I don't know what to do with them, I don't know how much of it is true.... I just... I loved her...
Edit; I'm also looking for any good hard/alternative rock songs to listen to that might help me get through this, so far I've been listening to "my black Delilah" by Hollywood undead and lots of Egypt Central
I've been there to. My first ex (so to call him) cheated on me with onne of my best friends at the time. All I can say is it only gets better.