So I've been on this forum for a long time now and helped alot of people so my brothers( and sisters) I am asking for your aid with a nasty conundrum.
My girlfriend and I have been dating almost 3 and a half years. We both still live at home and are both working full time and attending graduate school. We are also waiting til marriage to go all the way (so don't worry mods, I'm not asking about THAT!). My problem is that I think with both of our schedules being busy, we don't have alot of intimacy time to ourselves. So my question to everyone is: how do you change that? And if so, how do you approach your significant other about that?
All opinions are welcome. Especially the ladies as I would love their POV.
Can you spare any time with her? Maybe you to could go to breakfast together a couple times a week like two best friends in my story. You might have to wake up a little earlier for that though. There's always Skype as well. Though its not the same as actually talking to someone. Maybe you could even take walks together in the early morning. In fact, that might be a great time for a date if your evenings are full
Been there (more or less). I suggest scheduling a regular "date night" with her - a set time that works best for both of your schedules that you can spend together that you can both prioritize over trivial things that may come up. Knowing ahead of time when you have "date night" keeps you both from scheduling stuff over it. And since you're both in grad school, if one or both of you should have too much work to do, turn it into a study date. Still get together at that time, but work on your stuff (together or just next to each other).
We tried that but I feel lately that we always get swamped with stuff. I'm a new teacher working saturdays as well and she is taking 18 credits of grad school courses while maintaining two jobs. We had a rough last semester in which we almost broke up. But we said that we wanted Saturdays to be date night. And we started off strong, but now it's been slipping. And it's also an issue of what we do when we are together. We feel that since we don't have our own places, we have no alone time either.
I'd break up with her, it isn't working. That's what I'd do (I've never been in a committed relationship for more then a year, I get bored).
As far as what you should do? I say just have a good time whenever you see one another, and make the most of it. It's just a minor bump in the road of life. You make plans, then life happens.
Real relationships take work. If you ever get married, after the honeymoon phase wears off (and it will wear off for everyone, belive me) it takes work to keep the relationship alive.
If she's worth it. Which I assume she is. You need to find time to connect. Whether you do what gorzo said or decide that early morning might be better. It's good to stick with it. It builds charecter, and both of you can improve the other. So that each of you is better than they could have been. Once you get passed the hurtle of the giddiness wearing off. You will be closer than ever. Because you stuck with it, and made it work.
Though if your not right for each other, I'm sure and I hope you find someone that is right for you. And that she finds someone that's right for her
Bottom line. Intimacy takes work, but connects you both and improves you both. And the payout is worth the risk/work
You have to ask yourself some basic questions that you might not want to think about:
1.) How much time together is the right amount for both of you, each week?
2.) What is the ultimate goal in the relationship? Be it marriage, kids, sex, or all of the above?
3.) What are both of your priorities and goals? School, work, or love? Making a list helps.
People change throughout time, so do priorites and goals. Are you both looking to maintain a relationship right now, or are other things more important? You have to put in the work in order to reap the benefits. Have a sincere talk about what your objectives are, whats most important to you, and how you aim to achieve those goals.
You have to learn how to make time for yourselves otherwise "too busy" will always be the reason why you cant spend time together.
Beautifully put barzini
Instead of worrying about "alone" time, I think the point right now should just be time. It's clear you both have busy schedules so any time you spend together is great.
An idea why not just one weekend get a cheap hotel room, just so you guys can be together. If you need to bring some work to finish so be it.
But the overall thing I believe if it's meant to work out it will, it might not immediately but in the long run it will.
Thanks guys. This helped alot. I am gunna keep working at it. I love this girl and I don't want something silly to get in the way of our happiness.
Im glad to hear you are trying to work it out. Best of luck to you and your relationship.