Touchy Subject #3 Everybody Is Special *NSFW

[Dudecore]

In what ways does believing your special exclude competition? Life is always going to be a competition for scarce resources, most of us will never work for Apple or Microsoft, or any of those things. But we can still all make it through the day for ourselves and our families without having to win a baseball game as a child.

We can still be compassionate and understanding without having to stomp out others. Cooperation and competition aren't mutually exclusive. To say that only a perfect world could provide for a non-combative, non-cutthroat approach to how we view each other - I disagree. We're too dependent on the people in power keeping it that way. There are plenty of ways Apple and Microsoft compete that has nothing to do with how they were raised.

[Imink]

I think letting everyone have a shiny new participation ribbon is a good thing but if your the worst person on the team like I usually am winning something that you actually didn't earn is kinda a slap in the face. It's more like a thanks for buying the uniform. To build self esteem one must do esteemable acts

[Dudecore]

I think letting everyone have a shiny new participation ribbon is a good thing but if your the worst person on the team like I usually am winning something that you actually didn't earn is kinda a slap in the face. It's more like a thanks for buying the uniform. To build self esteem one must do esteemable acts

Granted, the theory of the pussification of American children doesn't take into account the mental or emotional mind state of the individual being pushed into "winning". Nothing is causing them to adopt the notions of their success/failure. And I'm certain some would be more then willing to point out their shortcomings.

Accepting an award you've no good reason accepting does not mean you're gratified. I got a "game ball" for a game I struck out 3 times and got a seeing-eye RBI single. I did not deserve it, but also I wasn't a batter. I was a relief pitcher. Doesn't mean I go around gloating about my great accomplishment. I was in the game because I wasn't pitching that day, and we needed someone to fill in at third.

[Imink]

It feels better to win something by actually being good at it and knowing that you've actually won it in my opinion but if participating is your thing go for it

[MuggyWuggy]

There's a balance of how much your praise your child, if you let them understand that they can get things thru manipulation of the situation (crying, doing well at school, winning a game, being stubborn) well stop feeding an expectant behavior. Have them understand money earlier; they want a new video game, clean and vacuum and do your own laundry before you are 10.

Make your kids work and then make them feel special, don't just make them feel special because they are your fat baby who is going on 27

[Dudecore]

My point is its basically difficult to determine what one is good at, and empty praise won't likely bring that level of life-altering satisfaction that will cause you to grow up and be a self-important crybaby. I'm nothing like I was as a child. Life experience has lead me somewhere else.

[MuggyWuggy]

If I was anything like my child self, oh dAmn. 😳

[Dudecore]

I don't exactly understand what you're saying. Can you rephrase it please.

[Gorzo]

balance

This word, right here, is what I've been waiting to hear. Thank you.

[Raiderrob]

Kids need to learn in life that you win and lose, and the things you do most of the time can affect the outcome. Don't get me wrong, you need to not have them jaded by the age of 10 thinking the world is .poo., but a healthy dose of reality that sunshine and rainbows aren't always the normal will help make more well adjusted children IMO. I'm trying my hardest with my two kids to give them a since of hope and passion for the future, but realistically understand that the world isn't always a fair place.

[The Pyromancer]

If he wins, he wins, if he doesn't, he doesn't.
That's the way it is, whether you tell him that he lost or fabricate a lie to make him feel better about himself is your choice. I'd tell him he lost, but then try to give him some advice so that the next time around he might win, but his victory depends upon his and his opponents actions, not mine. *he= average child playing a sport or game

[Moneekahh]

Ok, let me dive in with a story.

I saw a kid with his dad who was roughly 5 outside of a Harris Teeter. The kid yelled at his dad because he yelled, "He won the t-ball game and he deserved the biggest frapachino they had at Starbucks, not the grande.  That he hated his dad for not buying the biggest size."

My God.  I literally ran up to that dad as he was on his way inside the Harris Teeter without his child.  I struck up a conversation with him, and asked why he looked so depressed.  He said and I quote, "My kid just did something remeadial, now I have to go buy him his favorite thing.  Money is tight so I got a size smaller, and he threw it at me.  He said he hated me."  he looked like he failed his son.  I promptly told him that a spanking never hurt anyone's character.  That his kid shouldn't expect so much, and that they should praise him so much.  We exchange phone numbers, and we talk from time to time.

He has sent me a gift on $100 dollars recently for helping him that day.  I sent it back, because his money was still tight, blah blah blah.

The point is all that building up with positive rienforcement, and instead of punishment you say, "use your words".  It is making our kids assholes and bitches. 

Sure every now and then, you tell your kid they did a good job.  But you don't overdo it.  If you have a child who wants to be a professional basketball player, and they suck, what do you do.  You don't tell them that they are amazing forever.  Because guess what, that child grows up, tries his hand at basketball as his sole carrier.  And fails miserably because he always thought he was amazing so he never attempted to get better.

Sure it is exaggerated, but you get the point.

I take it you have never taken the time to learn anything about child development. There is so much in your comment that is just completely false.

For starters, "a spanking never hurt anyone". Are you serious? Think about what a spanking is for a second. That is when you are physically punishing a child for doing something that you disapprove of. Think about how ridiculous that sounds! You are physically harming a child because they aren't doing exactly what you tell them to, when you tell them to. Why is it that we as a society believe that it is acceptable to hurt the most vulnerable people at the most vulnerable times? It's gross.

Also, there is a reason that positive discipline is on the rise and it's the discipline style recommended by specialists. Negativity doesn't do any good for anyone, especially children. Kids are using their experience in life to mold their future selves, why would we, as the role models in their lives, want to make those experiences negative ones? I promise you, positive parenting does not turn your kid into an .rearexit..

The key is to respect our children, treat them the way you'd want to be treated (even while disciplining) they are people too.

[Moneekahh]

In regards to the OP. I think that it's important to teach our kids the concepts of "it's just a game. You will have another chance to win or lose. The outcome isn't as important as the fun you had while getting there. Etc."

Not everyone is a winner. I am big on the idea of respecting our children, and lying to them while saying "we are all winners" does not have a positive outcome.

[The Pyromancer]

Ok, let me dive in with a story.

I saw a kid with his dad who was roughly 5 outside of a Harris Teeter. The kid yelled at his dad because he yelled, "He won the t-ball game and he deserved the biggest frapachino they had at Starbucks, not the grande.  That he hated his dad for not buying the biggest size."

My God.  I literally ran up to that dad as he was on his way inside the Harris Teeter without his child.  I struck up a conversation with him, and asked why he looked so depressed.  He said and I quote, "My kid just did something remeadial, now I have to go buy him his favorite thing.  Money is tight so I got a size smaller, and he threw it at me.  He said he hated me."  he looked like he failed his son.  I promptly told him that a spanking never hurt anyone's character.  That his kid shouldn't expect so much, and that they should praise him so much.  We exchange phone numbers, and we talk from time to time.

He has sent me a gift on $100 dollars recently for helping him that day.  I sent it back, because his money was still tight, blah blah blah.

The point is all that building up with positive rienforcement, and instead of punishment you say, "use your words".  It is making our kids assholes and bitches. 

Sure every now and then, you tell your kid they did a good job.  But you don't overdo it.  If you have a child who wants to be a professional basketball player, and they suck, what do you do.  You don't tell them that they are amazing forever.  Because guess what, that child grows up, tries his hand at basketball as his sole carrier.  And fails miserably because he always thought he was amazing so he never attempted to get better.

Sure it is exaggerated, but you get the point.

I take it you have never taken the time to learn anything about child development. There is so much in your comment that is just completely false.

For starters, "a spanking never hurt anyone". Are you serious? Think about what a spanking is for a second. That is when you are physically punishing a child for doing something that you disapprove of. Think about how ridiculous that sounds! You are physically harming a child because they aren't doing exactly what you tell them to, when you tell them to. Why is it that we as a society believe that it is acceptable to hurt the most vulnerable people at the most vulnerable times? It's gross.

Also, there is a reason that positive discipline is on the rise and it's the discipline style recommended by specialists. Negativity doesn't do any good for anyone, especially children. Kids are using their experience in life to mold their future selves, why would we, as the role models in their lives, want to make those experiences negative ones? I promise you, positive parenting does not turn your kid into an .rearexit..

The key is to respect our children, treat them the way you'd want to be treated (even while disciplining) they are people too.

when I was growing up, you mess up, you get your @$$ beat. I love both my parents dearly, and I am thankful that they spanked me. Kids today are allowed to run wild and are not punished properly. This is another example of the wussification of America.

[Coffee Vampire]

I am second born in a family of nine. That's right...seven kids. I got spanked for being naughty when I was young, and I am glad. My parents stopped spanking as time went on, and let me tell you, the damned youngsters that weren't spanked have way worse attitudes than the oldest three. Personally I am not going to spank because I don't think I could do that to my own kid (if I ever have one). I prefer mind games...heh. But I see nothing wrong with it.

And on the original post: I do think that everyone is special. Everyone has unique personalities and talents, and if you think not everyone is special then stop being cynical! All kids should be taught that they have potential and to go after what they want. Now on bumper stickers, nothing wrong with them...haha. But personally I don't like them on my car cause I like my car to be a mean clean racing machine!